Made in the Sun
by PoppyandViolet
Summary: After landing himself in Dalton Reform Academy, Kurt meets the Warblers that offer him the sanctuary he's been dreaming of - but at what cost? In a school where no one is whom they seem, is Kurt really as safe as he previously thought?
1. the sun is shining on me

_a/n: So this is my badboy!blaine fic that I've published on my tumblr. I thought I might post it here as well -le shrug-. The title is taken from the song Made by Jamie Scott which is also featured in this chapter. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything associated with it or the song used in this chapter. _

_Happy Reading! xx P_

* * *

><p>Clutching his new notebook to his chest as if it might slow his breathing which was admittedly at an intense rate, Kurt Hummel stalked down the hallowed halls of Dalton Reformatory Academy with as much confidence as he could manage. He had to confess that this was not what he had expected.<p>

Of course he didn't really have a whole lot to go by. In his seventeen years of life, Kurt had been a pretty good boy. He never broke curfew, he didn't smoke or drink or do drugs. He had nice, normal friends.

And yet… he was here.

He didn't mean for it to happen. It wasn't his fault really. I mean, if you had been pushed against locker day after day on end, thrown into dumpsters, had icy drinks _thrown in your face _and had people throw homophobic slurs at your face while people watched, stood by, did nothing but _laugh…_ well you probably would have snapped too.

He hadn't gone to school with the intention of throwing Karofsky down a flight of stairs… and the fact that he was in a coma… Kurt really thought that he would rather face the coma rather than another day of bullying.

But so far he was having a much more pleasant experience then he would usually experience on his walk down the halls. No one had so much as glared at him, let alone abused him…

And this was supposed to be the school for delinquents.

"Hey, new kid."

Kurt was jolted out of his thoughts by a touch on his shoulder. He recoiled instantly and jumped half a mile. The good looking boy just laughed, but not unkindly.

"You're a jumper?" he said, his voice full of, if Kurt was not mistaken, sympathy. Kurt managed a nod. "Well you looked lost…"

"It's my first day," Kurt explained hesitantly, unsure of whether or not he was about to be beaten up.

"Welcome to Dalton," the boy grinned. "Or should I say Hell."

Kurt shivered.

"I'm Jeff, by the way," Jeff said, grinning at Kurt's reaction. "You might want to hurry up or you'll miss the show."

"The show?" Kurt raised an eyebrow, trying to quell the butterflies in his stomach. Were they going to beat up some kid in front of the whole school or something?

"The Warblers," Jeff said by way of explanation.

"The Warblers?" Kurt questioned, raising his other eyebrow.

"You'll see…"

As Jeff took off in the same directiom of all the other students, Kurt shrugged and jogged after him. He may as well see what this show was…

Jeff led him out to the front of the school in the carpark. All the kids had arranged a ring around a group of boys who were… dancing.

They were interrupted however by the sound of a roaring engine. All the boys cheered excitedly. Their lead singer had arrived…

Ragged raven curls, smoky hazel eyes, intense saucy smirk, skin tight black jeans, ripped leather jacket, black silk tee and a motorbike.

Well, fuck if Kurt had never seen a kid like this before.

The handsome, yet dangerous looking boy hopped off his motorbike and jogged to the center of the ring, high fiving people as he rang.

And then he began to sing.

_I've got this girl _

_and she's the only thing that can drive me insane_

_I've got this girl _

_and she's the closest thing to fortune and fame_

_And it's a crime to admit _

_that she is ten times legit _

_My friend she's hotter than shh…_

_The s__un is shining on me!_

His voice…. As if he weren't attractive enough. His voice practically oozed appeal, his smooth tenor caressing the lyrics with just the right amount of passion mixed with talent. Kurt felt his heart race and it no longer had anything to do with fear…

Of the school, anyway.

_Anybody got a something so fine,_

_And the time's she's on my lips, Ohh—_

_Anyone that knows the woman's a dime,_

_Come and sing it with the rich, Whooo—_

Suddenly, the boy's _smoldering _hazel eyes flickered up and caught Kurt's glasz eyes. Kurt's breath caught as they flickered with an emotion entirely unfamiliar to Kurt…

Was it… want?

_Made in the sun baby_

_Made in the sun sugar_

_Made in the sun honey_

As the song came to a close, the students of Dalton erupted into enthusiastic cheers and applause. So these guys were… popular.

That was strange, well, to Kurt anyway. At his old school, the only music group they had was the Glee Club and they were miserably unpopular. Which is part of the reason he was bullied so hard… the other? He was gay.

The bell rang soon after the performance ended so Kurt made his way inside, tugging on his Dalton Blazer nervously. He felt so weird in a uniform… so confined. He missed his clothes already and it was his only his first day.

But as he slipped into his seat in his Period 1 Italian class and spotted Blaine sauntering in, he couldn't help but think that maybe his first day was about to get a bit more interesting.

Especially when Blaine sat in the seat in front of him and turned in his chair with an irresistible smirk to whisper:

"Ehi ci splendida."

Kurt had never taken Italian in his life (hey had been _told _it was just like French and that he should cotton on quickly…) so he didn't udnerstand a single word Blaine said.

But that didn't stop him from getting goosebumps all over and turning redder than his Dalton crest.

"Sono Blaine."

Kurt smiled, catching the name. Blaine… it suited him.

"Kurt."


	2. who am I to disagree?

Blaine winked and turned back around in his seat. Kurt couldn't stop staring at the back of his profile for the whole lesson. So apparently Italian and French were two completely different languages and he didn't understand a single word of the lesson.

Maybe Blaine could teach him.

Yes, they had only just met, but Kurt was already crushing on the gorgeous boy. It had been a while since he had spoken to an openly gay boy-

Scratch that. It was the first.

So sue him if he wasn't a little excited that the first openly gay boy he met practically _sang to him _in front of the whole school and then called him gorgeous (thank you Latin Dictionary) and winked at him. It's not like he had had any other romantic experiences.

Unless you count sexual assault, which you know, he didn't.

When class finished Kurt was packing up his bag when he saw a figure hovering over his desk. He raised his glasz eyes to be met with the striking image of one Blaine Anderson. Kurt felt his cheeks flame just a little.

"Hey," Blaine said, his voice silky smooth.

"Hi," Kurt said carefully, willing his voice not to squeak or anything equally embarrassing.

"So…" Blaine said in the same tone, edging slightly closer, his hazel eyes intense. "I haven't seen you around here before…"

"Yeah," Kurt breathed, "I'm new."

"I thought so," Blaine drawled. "I'd have noticed that sweet ass before now…"

It was safe to say that Kurt was turning into Rupert Grint after a day of an unsunsafe beach trip.

Kurt was speechless but was saved by the sound of a throat being cleared by the doorway. Kurt's head snapped up quickly, breaking the gaze that Blaine had held for so long, to see Jeff, the boy he had met in the hall earlier at the door.

"Kurt," he said, frowning deeply, "can I have a word?"

Kurt, half grateful for the interruption, nodded and slid away from Blaine hastily.

"Hey, Kurt," Blaine called as Kurt was half out the door. "I'll see you 'round, 'kay?" this was accompanied by a flirtatious wink that made Kurt's knees weaken. He nodded automatically before following Jeff back down the hall.

"What are you doing?" Jeff demanded angrily.

"We were just talking…" Kurt said defensively.

Jeff grimaced. "You've got a lot to learn new kid…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kurt demanded.

"Blaine has a…" Jeff thought about his next words, "a _reputation _at school. He's… infamous, if you will, even amongst all us delinquents…"

"What for?"

"Being a sleazebag, basically," Jeff said bluntly. "I don't think there's a single gay boy in the school he hasn't done. Some straight ones too…"

Kurt raised an eyebrow. Jeff blushed.

"Anyway," Jeff continued, clearing his throat, "you don't want to be caught up with him, Kurt… you'll get hurt."

"Why do you care so much?" Kurt asked, his voice a little sharper than intended.

"Because I've been there," Jeff said, his tone softer than you'd expect from any delinquent. "Trust me… I didn't get in this school because I was in a gang or smoked weed you know. Blaine took advantage of that…

Kurt sighed. Jeff did sound earnest…

"Blaine is bad news Kurt," Jeff warned. "You should stay away from him…"

He could see something in Jeff's eyes that reminded him of himself… there was pain and hurt there. He had had some bad experiences and after just one mistake he was paying for it… badly. And that familiarity made Kurt trust him. Clearly Blaine had hurt Jeff… and Kurt didn't think he could take any more pain…

"Okay," Kurt agreed. "I'll stay away from him."

"Good," Jeff smiled in relief. "What's your next class?"

"Umm…" Kurt checked his timetable. "Science with Phillips."

"Same," Jeff grinned. "We've missed half the lesson though…"

As they set off for lab 3 Kurt felt a pang of sadness as he walked passed the front doors that led to the carpark, his mind flashbacking to this mornings events. It was a shame. He had really been looking forward to getting to know Blaine…

But apparently Blaine had something more on his mind when he was speaking to Kurt. Thinking back to their conversation, it wasn't too hard to believe…

He would do it. Blaine was bad news and he was staying away.

Little did Kurt know that Blaine was like a car accident.

Messed up, but you can't tear your eyes away…

No, Kurt wouldn't be able to stay away from him for too long.


	3. you think that you're immune

The rest of Kurt's morning passed without event. Jeff was in his science class and sat with him in his history class as well. The classes were interesting and challenging, and Kurt actually had to listen to keep up. Plus, he had found a new friend in Jeff – someone who he could actually relate to. Maybe Dalton wasn't going to be so bad…

After history it was time for lunch and Kurt and Jeff walked to the cafeteria together where they met a handsome brunette outside the double doors.

"Kurt," Jeff grinned upon seeing the boy, "this is my best friend Nick, Nick this is Kurt Hummel."

"Nice to meet you, New Kid," Nick said kindly, shaking his hand. Kurt was still finding it weird how _civil _these boys were. At McKinley Kurt hadn't even been able to walk down the hall without a slushie to the face…

"You too," Kurt said quietly.

"You like to sing?" Nick asked him as they made their way into the crowded cafeteria. "I saw you at the Warblers performance this morning."

"Are you a Warbler, too?" Kurt asked, grabbing a plastic tray and hopping in the lengthy line of hungry boys.

"Yep," Nick said, picking up his own tray.

"Yes, I do like to sing," Kurt admitted, in answer to his previous question. "I was in my old school's Glee Club."

"What Glee Club?" Jeff asked.

"New Directions," Kurt told him, "we came last at Regionals last year."

"We didn't make it past Sectionals," Nick grimaced. "But we plan to kick ass this year…"

"You guys compete?" Kurt said, surprised.

Nick and Jeff nodded the affirmative.

"You should join," Jeff suggested. "You know not all guys are as nice as us around here, but the Warblers will keep you protected."

"Yeah," Nick agreed after shooting Jeff a surprised look. He hadn't heard of why Kurt was here yet. As a matter of fact, Kurt wondered how Jeff knew in the first place… "No one pushes the Warblers around."

"I'd like that," Kurt said gladly. Nick and Jeff grinned.

As they got their food the conversation fell short for a moment before Kurt suddenly spoke up.

"When you guys said 'no one pushes the Warblers around'…" he ventured carefully, 'what did you mean by that?"

"The Warblers are at the top of the social heap," Nick explained, grinning. "It's pretty exclusive, and you've got to audition to get in."

"Who's in it?" Kurt asked.

Jeff pointed to a large table in the very center of the cafeteria. Kurt couldn't help but notice that the surrounding tables had been left empty as if people were scared to sit too close.

"Well, there's Nick and I," Jeff said, "and there's Flint,-" he pointed to a tall, intimidating boy with a goatee.

"He was caught for growing pot in his yard," Nick added.

"Trent,-" Jeff continued, pointing to a thick brunette wearing a few stylish pins on his collar.

"Shoplifiting," Nick explained.

"Thad-" Jeff pointed to a smaller boy with dark hair and wide smoking eyes.

"He was in a gang," Nick interjected.

"Wes, the head of Warbler council," Jeff pointed towards a thin asian.

"Grand theft auto," Nick grimaced.

"Wow," Kurt mouthed.

"David, the vice president," Jeff guestured to the darker skinned boy by Wes.

"And Blaine," Jeff concluded. "Lead singer."

"No one knows why he's here," Nick said mysteriously. "But there are rumours…"

Kurt opened his mouth to ask what those rumours were exactly, but Jeff was tugging at his arm leading him over to the Warblers table.

"Hey guys," Nick greeted them, sliding into an empty spot by Thad. Jeff and Kurt followed after.

"Hey," Wes replied eyeing Kurt with interest. "Who's the new kid?"

"This is Kurt Hummel," Jeff said for him.

"Hi," Kurt replied shyly.

"No need to be scared New Kid," David grinned. "We don't bite."

"Unless that's a particular kink of yours," Blaine added unreasurringly with another smoldering wink. Kurt felt his face heat up and his gaze dropped to his tray.

"Kurt wants to join the Warblers," Jeff announced, his voice a little tight. Kurt wondered once more exactly what had happened between him and Blaine…

"He'll have to audition," Wes said, his tone business like. "We don't just let anyone into the Warblers you know… or generally sit at our table. We'll make an exception for you because you're new…"

"When can I audition?" Kurt asked eagerly, glancing up hopefully.

"Tomorrow after school," Wes decided. "We meet in Music Room 3. Don't be late."

* * *

><p>After lunch Kurt exited the cafeteria hastily and said his goodbye's to Nick and Jeff before heading off to his fourth period math class.<p>

He had been in a hurry to leave because he felt that he couldn't stand the feel of Blaine's intense stare on him any longer. An appreciating smile or comment, Kurt was willing to welcome.

But a constant leer from a known woma- wait – maninizer - certainly was not.

He was an idiot for thinking Blaine would be so easily evaded…

"Ignoring me, are you bella?"

Kurt whipped around from his position at his locker to see Blaine leaning up against the locker behind him, hands folded, cocky smirk in place.

"Yes," Kurt said bluntly, turning back to searching for his math book.

"A bit of an attitude you've got there innamorato." Blaine's voice was amused.

"Stop calling me stuff in Italian," Kurt grumbled, finally laying his long fingered hands on the desired book.

"You love it," Blaine winked. Kurt ignored him once more.

"If you'll excuse me," he said, beginning to walk down the hall away from Blaine.

"You can try and avoid me all you like," Blaine called after him. "But I always get what I want in the end…"

Kurt couldn't help but shiver at the finality in his tone. He had an eery feeling that Blaine hadn't been lying…

And he hadn't. He _always _got what he wanted.


	4. in the air spinning round and round

After classes for the day Kurt was shown to his dormitory. He found himself in a room with Jeff, Nick and Thad, who was Warbler who was in a gang. Kurt was rather intimidated by him at first, but Jeff and Nick assured him that he was fine once you got to know him and actually spent more time in the library or music hall than their dorm.

Speaking of the music hall, that afternoon Kurt had to prepare his solo for his audition the next day.

"You'll want to sing something fairly mainstream," Nick told him.

"So… no showtunes?" Kurt grimaced at this misfortune. Jeff and Nick chuckled.

"No… I wouldn't," Jeff said apologetically.

"How long have you guys been Warblers?" Kurt asked.

"Well, I've been here for five months," Nick explained. "I was rooming with Thad and another guy called Max – he was expelled last month for fighting," Kurt winced. "Thad heard me singing one day when I thought there was no one around, and he invited me to audition."

"If you don't mind me asking…" Kurt ventured carefully, "why are you here?"

Nick grinned. "Nah, it's okay. I got busted for blowing shit up."

Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"So basically you're a pyromaniac?"

Nick nodded proudly, his grin growing larger. "My parents sent me here when they discovered that the explosive bomb I was working on so tirelessly in my bedroom all the time wasn't academic."

Kurt wasn't sure how to respond to that…

Thankfully Jeff broke the awkward silence. "So what did you have in mind for your audition?"

"Actually…" Kurt smirked, "I have just the song…"

* * *

><p>"Good afternoon Warblers," Wesley Kim's surprisingly pompous voice rang through the auditorium. His expensive looking black jean jacket carried the canary crest that all the Warblers wore and he wore it with pride, his smile broad and his dark eyes excited. He loved new talent, and they might just find some more today. "I'd like to start the meeting off with potential Warbler Kurt Hummel's audition. Kurt Hummel could you please step forward?"<p>

Kurt stepped forward as directed, a confident smile on his face. So what if on the inside he was shaking?

"Hi, Warblers," Kurt said, clearing his throat and attempting to sound confident. "Jeff and Nick told me you guys were an acapella choir, so I had this arranged…" the Warblers looked surprised as Kurt began handing out sheet music. Wesley looked thrilled.

"Excellent," he said enthusiastically flipping through the part.

Jeff gave him an encouraging smile, grabbing his guitar and lightly strumming, the only music they'd need.

The Warblers began their backing acapella and Kurt took a deep breath, steadying his voice as he began to sing.

_Baby can't you see I'm calling_

_A guy like you should wear a warning_

_It's dangerous I'm falling_

Kurt's smile grew as he saw the approval on the other Warbler's faces. His voice began to grow more confident as he danced around the room, his hips swaying to the steady beat.

_There's no escape I can't wait_

_I need a hit baby give me it_

_You're dangerous I'm loving it_

As Kurt stood by the fireplace (for a reform school these kids were _rich_) his eyes locked onto Blaine's. He hadn't really noticed him before, too immersed in his own nerves, but apparently Blaine had noticed him. He wasn't singing at all, but rather enjoying (well Kurt hoped) the show, his eyes wide and attentive, watching the performance in…

Awe?

As if completely empowered by Blaine's reaction, Kurt's genuine smile turned into a sexy smirk as he twirled around, trailing his fingertips along the back of Blaine's armchair as he sang the bridge, his voice reaching an unnaturally high octave. He could have sworn Blaine shivered.

_Too high can't come down_

_Losing my head spinning round and round_

_Oh… can you feel me now?_

The other boys were grinning in approval so Kurt turned his attention back to them and flirted around the other members, giving Nick a little twirl and Wes a wink. Throughout the rest of the performance he could still feel Blaine's intense hazel stare on him…

_With the taste of your lips I'm on a high_

_You're toxic I'm slipping under_

_With the taste of a poison paradise_

_And I love what you do don't you know that you're toxic?_

With a final strum of the guitar the song had ended and Kurt was left breathless and nervous as the Warblers clapped and cheered enthusiastically. Obviously it had been good… but was it good enough.

"Kurt Hummel," Wes said impassively before breaking out into a large grin, "welcome to the Warblers!"

* * *

><p>an: for the song, it's Britney Spear's Toxic (in case you didn't get that ;)) but think Glee Cast version. Of course it isn't mine so *disclaimer*


	5. they've got what you need

The next couple of weeks Kurt was slowly getting used to his Dalton schedule. He knew what classes he liked and which ones he didn't, when he had to actually pay attention and the right times to slack off, what teachers to suck up to and which ones not to and most importantly, who to sit next to and who to avoid.

Kurt grinned as Wes waved him, Jeff and Nick over to the Warbler table that day at lunch. He felt proud sitting with the Warblers. They reminded him a little of his friends back at New Directions. They were almost… family like.

"Hey Kurt," Wes said, giving him a greeting smile.

David was practically bouncing in his seat and sloshed apple juice over Nick when he sat down. Nick wrinkled his nose and wiped his blazer accordingly.

"What's with David?" Jeff smirked.

"He's excited," Thad said in a bored tone, stirring a spoon through his yoghurt in a lazy manner.

"What for?" Kurt wondered.

"Warbler party," Blaine answered him, eyeing Kurt in his usual over-appreciative manner. "This Friday."

"It's in honor of our newest member," Wesley grinned. Kurt felt a faint blush come on.

They were throwing a party for him?

Wait… they were throwing a party for him…?

Kurt wasn't exactly the partying type. He hadn't had a drink since that barbaric April Rhodes paid their Glee Club a visit the prior year and attempted to turn Kurt into an alcoholic. Good times…

Well, ever since he had been completely turned off alcohol. Besides, they were at _reform school. _He was sure his dad was disappointed enough in him without him going off and partying with a bunch of drinking, black jacket wearing, smoking bad boys…

But Kurt was getting the impression that maybe these reform boys weren't the criminals they were painted to be. Even Blaine had kindly refrained from making any Italian comments outside Italian class since Kurt had so requested (he did however completely take advantage of the fact that in Italian class Kurt couldn't understand any of what Blaine was saying and had no idea of all the R rated things that were coming from his talented lips).

And they were throwing a party in his honor… it'd be kind of rude to say no.

"You'll be there… right Kurt?" Flint pressed.

"Of course," Kurt smiled.

"Good," Blaine smirked. "It'll give me time to think up your initiation…"

"Initiation?" Kurt repeated unsteadily.

"Yep," David grinned. "Before you can officially become a Warbler you must complete your initiation – we've all done it."

"Wh-what do I have to do?" Kurt asked.

"Well, as our lead soloist Blaine decides that," Wes said simply. Blaine's smirk grew as he watched Kurt's alarmed reaction.

Kurt jumped as a silver fork slammed down beside him and suddenly Jeff was frantically pulling him from the cafeteria.

"What? What is it?" Kurt asked, brushing his blazer off in light annoyance.

"It's about the initiation," Jeff said, frowning deeply.

"Well I guessed that much," Kurt returned dryly. "What about it?"

"I need to tell you what they made me do… and I want you to promise that you won't agree to it," Jeff said more serious than Kurt had ever seen him.

"What did they make you do?" Kurt asked slightly alarmed.

Jeff opened his mouth to reply but the bell signifying the end of lunch rang. Jeff swore under his breath in frustration.

"Just promise me you won't agree to anything yet," he said firmly. Kurt could see how upset he was so he nodded his head in agreeance.

As he watched Jeff race off to his next class he felt his heart sink.

_What had they make Jeff do?_

Or more or less… _What had _Blaine _make him do?_


	6. rather live my life in regret

Kurt stayed wary for the rest of the day, steering clear of all Warblers, especially Blaine. The day seemed to drag along even more so than usual, and he was relieved when school finally came to a close. Kurt decided he had waited long enough and cornered Jeff in their dormitory and demanded the truth from him.

"It's a long story," Jeff warned him. "Let me finish my homework first."

Kurt knew he was procrastinating, but he humored him, taking out his own homework and attempting to plough through his Italian. His concentration however, was lagging as Italian was, he knew, Blaine's best subject. All his thoughts kept trailing back to the mysterious boy.

Casting a worried look over at Jeff, Kurt sighed softly to himself. What had Blaine done to him?

When Jeff had sufficiently completed his work, he suggested that they go somewhere they wouldn't be overheard…

The library.

Just as Jeff had predicted, it was completely devoid of student body and so eerily silent (apart from the gentle tap of Miss Silver's – the librarian – apple mac) that Kurt felt even more on edge than before.

As they sat behind a bookcase at the back of the spacious study, Kurt gestured for him to begin. Jeff took a deep breath to ready himself before launching into the tale.

"Like I mentioned," Jeff began, his voice signaling to Kurt that he was just as nervous as he was, "I had a similar problem like you that got me here. I was bullied at my old school for my sexuality. It began in my Freshman year after I came out. I fell into a deep depression. In an attempt to pull me out of it, my parents enrolled me in Karate lessons. They thought if I worked hard for something, set myself a goal, that it would give me something to work for – to live for, if you will," Jeff took another deep breath before continuing. "The bullying didn't stop. The school didn't care. I tried hiding it from my parents, but I was just so sick of it. And after a while I started fighting back."

Kurt who had remained silent throughout his explanation raised an eyebrow. He had a feeling he knew where this was going…

"Joe, the ring leader of all the bullies, was put in hospital after I broke his ribcage," Jeff continued. "The police completely ignored the fact that I had been beaten up myself and I landed in here."

"Where they mad when you got in here?" Kurt asked. "Your parents," he added.

"Yeah," Jeff said fairly. "But at the parents of the bullies who pressed charges against me, and the school for not sticking up for me. Not at me, so much."

Kurt nodded. "So when did you join the Warblers?"

"Well, Nick and I got roomed together," Jeff returned, "and we became friends pretty quickly. One day he heard me singing in the shower and he invited me to audition. I did – and got in. Then I met Blaine…"

Kurt swallowed hard. He knew this was the part where the story would truly unfold…

"As I'm sure you're aware," Jeff said dryly, "Blaine is rather… charming, when he purses somebody. He starts with the Italian, and the flirty winks and comments-"

"I'm taking this 'someone' is you?" Kurt said slowly.

"You too, Kurt," Jeff said grimly. "But yes, Blaine pursued me. He is a lot more… careful, with you, because he knows that I've warned you about him. And he also knows that I'm watching him – I'm rather protective of my friends, you see?"

Kurt felt his spine tingle at the light menacing edge in Jeff's tone.

"So I got into the Warblers," Jeff continued, "and then I found out about the initiation."

"What did he ask you to do, Jeff?" Kurt asked quietly.

"It was at the Warblers party," Jeff said in a low voice. "They threw on for me too – they do it for everybody, actually. They like to party, the Warblers do. I'd had a few drinks and so had Blaine. He told me that he had thought up my initiation and was going to tell me in private. So he invioted me up to David's room…"

Kurt felt his heart race. This didn't sound too good…

"He sat down on the bed… and he told me that if I wanted to be a Warbler…"

Kurt held his breath.

"…I had to sleep with him."

Kurt's eyes widened with shock. "What did you do?"

Jeff closed his eyes, looking pained at the memory. "I'd already had a few drinks…"

"Jeff!" Kurt cried. "Please tell me you didn't…?"

"I did," Jeff confirmed.

Kurt gasped. "Why, Jeff?" he moaned.

"Because," Jeff answered sadly, "I just really wanted to be a Warbler… they were so cool, and such good friends. Almost like a family. I'd never been a part of something like that before. Besides, they could keep me safe. And right then, after years of not being able to walk down the hall without another bruise to my back - that was my primary concern."

"There's more to it then that…" Kurt pressed with a frown. He had always been good at reading people, and he could tell that Jeff was hiding something from him.

Jeff sighed. "There is," he admitted. "I…I really liked him. Blaine. And I thought that maybe… he really liked me too."

"But…?"

"He didn't," Jeff confirmed darkly. "He just wanted to have sex."

"Does Wes know?" Kurt asked.

"I doubt it," Jeff grimaced. "They never really ask him about his initiations, I don't think…"

"And you think that is what he's going to try and do to me too?" Kurt asked softly, coming to realization.

Jeff nodded sadly. "I had to warn you. He was my first, Kurt," he confessed. "Believe me. The Warblers isn't worth giving that up for. It… it hurts too much…"


	7. that song and all the words we'd sing

That Friday night was the Warblers Party. After his talk with Jeff, Kurt no longer felt any desire to attend. He was more wary than ever of the curly haired soloist and tried to stay out of his way. Of course his efforts proved futile when Jeff left him alone (for the first time that night) on the back porch, nursing a beer and enjoying the view of the beautiful starry night.

Blaine's silky voice interrupted his peaceful stupor.

"I've been looking for you. If you keep hiding from me, how am I supposed to administer your initiation?"

"That was the idea…" Kurt thought. "I wasn't avoiding you," he insisted (aloud).

"Good," Blaine smirked, "because that would imply that you didn't want to see me, and _that _would certainly make your task a little bit more difficult."

Kurt swallowed audibly. "And why is that?" he asked.

"If you're serious about being a Warbler…" Blaine said, moving closer.

Kurt felt his chest tighten as he braced himself for Blaine's next words. Jeff's story still rang through his ears.

_"He told me I had to sleep with him._"

"Go out with me."

Kurt blinked back his shock. Had he heard him correctly?

"Go out with you?" he repeated slowly. "Like… on a date."

"Yes, Hummel," Blaine chuckled. "A date."

But… that couldn't be right.

"But… Jeff…" Kurt stuttered.

Blaine's eyes darkened at the mention of the blond Warbler.

"And what did dear little Jeffory tell you?" Blaine asked, his voice almost condescending.

"He told me what you made him do," Kurt said coldly, not letting himself be intimidated by the honey eyed boy who was fixing him a gaze more intense than anything Kurt had ever seen.

"And what did he say I made him do?" Blaine asked, sounding more amused than anything.

"You made him sleep with you."

Blaine barked out a laugh. There was no humour in it. "I didn't _make _him do anything."

"Jeff said-"

"Then Jeff lied," Blaine snapped.

"And why would I trust you?" Kurt asked coldly.

"Because I've given you no reason not to," Blaine said, his anger building rapidly. "You, like everyone else at this fucking school is so quick to fucking judge. You don't know me, Hummel! None of you do!"

Kurt felt his hands tremble with light fear. Would Blaine hurt him?

"Blaine," he said quietly. "Please calm down."

"No, I will not calm down!" Blaine shouted. "I should have known you were no different to the rest of them…"

Blaine's harsh words echoed in his ears as he stormed back into the party.

_No different than the rest of them_

Kurt felt tears spring to his eyes, although he wasn't sure why. He suddenly felt the odd urge to throw up.

What was Blaine Anderson doing to him?


	8. bringing me out of the dark

_a/n: bonus Puck!_

* * *

><p>Kurt's eyes stung with inexplicable unshed tears as he wrapped his arms around himself. Despite being in a house full of people, he felt truly alone and almost sick.<p>

"Kurt?" Jeff's concerned voice came from the doorway which Blaine had just stalked out of, "are you okay? Did Blaine-?"

"Please, Jeff," Kurt broke in, his voice wavering. "I think I'm just going to go home."

Jeff nodded sadly. "Okay," he said in an understanding tone. "I'll drive you."

"No, it's fine," Kurt insisted hastily.

"But we drove you here," Jeff reasoned.

"I'll get a cab," Kurt said. "You've had too many drinks to legally drive," he pointed out. After his talk with Blaine, Kurt didn't know who he could trust anymore. And that scared the shit out of him.

"Okay," Jeff conceded. "Do you want me to wait with you or…?"

"No, Jeff, it's fine," Kurt said with a weak smile. "Go have fun."

With one last resigned sigh, Jeff nodded and slipped back inside. Kurt let out a sigh of relief and fished his phone out of his pocket. There was no way in hell he was catching a cab at this time of night. Who could he call…?

His father was out of the question. He'd ask too many questions… besides; Kurt hadn't exactly _told _him he was going tonight…

Finn was out too. He'd definitely tell his dad. And that meant Rachel was out too, because she would tell Finn. Mercedes and Tina couldn't drive and he didn't feel comfortable asking Santana or Quinn. Brittany was… well, Brittany.

Who did that leave…?

Puck. Shit.

With heavy reluctance, Kurt scrolled through the contacts until he found the number and pressed dial. He probably would be the best option after all. Finn told Kurt that he had punched Karofsky in the face when he learnt why Kurt had been taken away. He would certainly defend Kurt if the need arised. He probably wouldn't tell Finn either, or even judge Kurt for being at a party like this (the way he suspected his other friends might). Hell, he'd probably be more pissed that he wasn't invited.

To Kurt's surprise he picked up on the second ring.

"Yo, Hummel," he answered. "This better be good. I'm waiting on Damo to give me the co-ordinates for this month's Streets are being held."

"Isn't that a dance competition?" Kurt questioned with surprise, remembering hearing Flint mention it.

"Wow, Hummel," Puck said, sounding impressed. "Those Dalton Punks know their shit. You're right. It is."

"Doesn't seem like your usual scene," Kurt noted.

"Chicks dig dancers," Puck explained and Kurt could imagine his usual smirk. "Which is probably why your brother can't' get laid."

"Oh my God ew!" Kurt wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Can we please not discuss Finn's sex, or lack of, life, right now," Kurt requested.

"Whatever," Puck snorted. "So what did you want?"

"I need a favor…"

"-and then after what Blaine said I feel really weird around Jeff, so I didn't really want a ride with him… so I called you," Kurt concluded, chewing his slice of all meat pizza thoughtfully. He didn't know when he started confiding his life drama to Pick. He thought it might have been halfway through the bottle of coke Puck had picked up for himself at the gas station and so generously let Kurt finish after proclaiming that he 'looked like shit", and the slice of three slices of pizza Kurt devoured that he was most definitely going to regret tomorrow. But Puck was a surprisingly good listener and actually looked thoroughly entertained by Kurt's story.

"Jesus," Puck laughed when Kurt was done. "I thought McKinley was bad – drama wise. At least you guys can't get pregnant."

Kurt rolled his eyes at Puck's ability to make a joke out of something like that. As completely tactless as he was, he made Kurt laugh and his chest felt a little lighter after spilling out his story.

"So what did you say your bad boy's name was again?" Puck asked.

"First off," Kurt said haughtily, "he's not _my _anything," but he blushed as he said it so Puck laughed and the whole effect was ruined, "and secondly his name is Blaine. Blaine Anderson."

Puck let out another laugh and Kurt rolled his eyes once more.

"Yes, I know… it's very pretty and pink," Kurt said understandingly. "I laughed too."

"I'm not laughing at his parent's sad attempt at pop culture referencing their children," Puck chuckled. "I'm laughing because I _know _Blaine Anderson."


	9. it will always just be me

"_I'm laughing because I know Blaine Anderson."_

"What?" Kurt gaped after a momentary rare moment of speechlessness. "How do _you _know Blaine Anderson?"

"He was in Juvie with me," Puck explained, his eyes light with humour as he chuckled. "Oh god… Blaine fucking Anderson. Of course…"

"So… were you guys like… friends, or…?" Kurt asked.

"We were roommates," Puck told him. "A group of us sort of… banded together I guess you could say."

"I thought you weren't popular at Juvie," Kurt said bluntly.

"I thought we weren't going to mention that again," Puck growled. "And no, I wasn't. We all sort of stuck together to… _protect _each other I guess. We weren't really friends."

"Why was he in Juvie?" Kurt blurted out, unable to help himself any longer.

Puck smirked. "Ah young Hummel… that's the best part…"

Kurt swallowed audibly. God… it better not be assault… or worse…

"Blaine Anderson was in Juvie… for the same reason you're at your little reform school."

* * *

><p>Saturday morning Kurt woke up with an ear splitting headache. Damn his low tolerance. He'd only had like… two beers? Or it might have been three…<p>

Either way after sufficiently clearing out whatever he might have consumed the previous night in the toilet, he took two Tylenol, some water and a nice long hot shower before heading down to the cafeteria to get some warm breakfast. Puck had advised as much. Something about hot foods helping with the queasiness…

The previous night he had warned Puck that his dad would not approve at all of his partying, so he insisted he take him back to Dalton. He knew most of the students went home for the weekends so he didn't think he was in danger of encountering either Jeff or Blaine.

Blaine.

After Puck's big reveal last night they had pulled into the drive of Dalton and Kurt hadn't been able to question him further. But Puck's words still rang through his mind like an incessant chant.

"…_the same reason you're at your little reform school."_

What did that mean? Did he mean just assault? Or he'd beat a guy up who'd been giving him a hard time?

Or he'd been bullied for being gay…

Kurt didn't know. He _wanted _to ask Blaine, but they had never really been on speaking terms in the first place, let alone after the event's of last night when he'd accused Blaine of sexually abusing somebody…

Oh god. He was an idiot.

Why had he taken Jeff's word to heart? Sure he was his closest friend at Dalton, but that wasn't saying much, was it? He had said that he had been bullied like Kurt… but how had he even known that anyway? They were at a freaking reform school for crying out loud! How had he thought he could trust anybody here?

He had no clue what he was going to do next. But for now, all he had to do was go get eat a quick breakfast and then retreat to his dorm for the rest of the weekend… maybe Skype with Mercedes or organize a shopping trip with Rachel (lord knows she needed it).

But before he could even get down the hall towards the dining hall, his path was blocked by a frantic looking Wes.

"Kurt," he cried, grabbing his arm. "You need to come, quick."

"What's going on?" Kurt asked with a concerned frown. Wes looked genuinely worried.

"It's Blaine."

Of course it was Blaine. It was _always _Blaine around here.


	10. not ashamed gonna show my scars

"The hospital?" Kurt repeated, paralyzed with sudden fear. "W-what happened?" he stammered.

Wes's face was contorted with a mix of horror and what looked to be sympathy. "He got into a fight… he got a concussion and-"

Before Wes could finish Kurt held up a hand. "Take me there."

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later the pair of frantic teens were pulling out of the academy drive at full speed, hearts racing with fear for their mutual… well, acquaintance. Kurt could hardly call Blaine a friend and he wasn't sure he even earned the respectful title of acquaintance after last night.<p>

He didn't know what Wes classified him as either. He would have dubbed them simply teammates if not for Wes's alarmed reaction as he replayed his story to Kurt. Maybe Wes cared more than he had let on…

"Last night," Wes choked out, gripping the steering wheel tightly, "he and Jeff got into an… argument of sorts-"

"Jeff?" Kurt repeated, his voice alarmed. "What-what about?"

Wes shrugged. "They disappeared for a while and when Jeff came back he said they were just having 'an important discussion'… but it was more than that…"

"And Blaine?" Kurt asked, fearing the answer.

"He didn't come back to the party," Wes took a shuddering breath. "He-he didn't come back to the dorm until about five this morning… it was bad, Kurt. Really bad."

Kurt winced, trying to block out his imagination which was already thinking up the worst case scenarios.

"And he collapsed on our floor," Wes finished. "And we took him to the hospital… and David mentioned you, so I thought you might want to know."

"Has he woken up yet?" Kurt asked quietly after a beat.

Wes shook his head. "No, not yet."

* * *

><p>Pulling into the hospital car park, Kurt hardly waited for Wes to pull the ignition before leaping out of the car and slamming the door behind him. He raced up to the hospital and tore into the reception room, Wes hot on his heels.<p>

"Excuse me," Kurt said breathlessly. "Blaine Anderson. Is he here? Which room?"

Wes put a hand on his shoulder to stop his babbling. "I'm Wesley Song. I was here to see him before with David Finch…?"

The nurse nodded in recognition. "I'll just go check on him and I'll be right back…"

Kurt let out a sigh of relief and Wes collapsed into one of the waiting chairs. Kurt sat in the seat beside him and whipped out his phone out of habit, cursing when he saw that he had about fifty messages awaiting him.

He began to scroll through his inbox, ignoring the majority of them (from Jeff) and clicking on the ones that held his interest (namely his girls – Rachel, Mercedes, Tina – and his brother, Finn).

A few moments the nurse, who's name pin read Marsha, returned wearing a sad smile.

"He's not awake yet, I'm afraid," she said gently. Both Kurt and Wes winced, although that was the reaction they had been expecting. "But you're both welcome to see him."

Wes nodded and motioned for Kurt to follow him as they trekked up the hall to room 19 where Blaine was situated.

Opening the standardized blue wooden door, they found David sitting at the bedside of… well, what was obviously Blaine.

But it sure didn't look like him.

Blue and black bruises ran over his tan skin that had taken on a decidedly pasty shade, a sign of illness. His tousled black curls were mattered with dirt, and his right eye was especially bruised. His lids were closed, yet Kurt yearned to reach across and open them, and see that mischievous sparkle that was always there and just be assured that everything would be alright.

That he was still Blaine.


	11. love ain't fair so there you are my love

Monday morning came at last, after a weekend spent restless with worry for his teammate and possible crush. Honestly, he had no idea how to deal with his feelings for Blaine, or what they even were. He didn't know how to explain the hurt he felt when he left him Friday night, how to explain his butterflies every time he walked into the room or the race of his heart every time he uttered some silly Italian phrase.

Or the inexplicable worry he felt all weekend, thinking of Blaine. Or his sudden bout with insomnia as he lay awake all night in his new dormitory – he had requested a change in dorms the second he got back from the hospital. He didn't even know how to be around Jeff any longer.

So after a sleepless weekend, it was with dreary eyes that Kurt wandered into his period 1 Italian class. He had skipped breakfast, simply opting to get one of his roommates to bring him coffee – he had struck up a deal with one of them (Tim); he didn't tell the teachers he was smoking in the bathrooms if he brought him coffee. It was a surprisingly successful compromise. Kurt couldn't help but feel that he had gotten the better stick, though. Tim was twice his size, he could easily just beat him up.

He wasn't complaining though.

As he walked into the class his eyes (out of habit) scanned the class for Blaine, hoping to find a darkly handsome Warbler amongst the sea of navy blazers that he had become so accustomed to.

With a regretful sigh he realised that no such boy was present (not including Thad) and slumped down in his seat, opening his book and assembling his materials, preparing for a class that he didn't even understand without even the bright light of Blaine's expressive eyes to keep him company.

Or so he thought.

The teacher was just beginning the class when there was a rap on the door. Kurt's eyes flickered uninterestedly to the door, starting when he caught sight of the one and only Blaine Anderson, leaning on the door way frame easily, his trademark smirk in place as he ran a hand through the curly locks that fell across his face, disguising his lightly disfigured features.

"Mancato?" he drawled, his flawless accent caressing the simple phrase in a way that sent a familiar shiver down Kurt's spine. Almost as if he could sense it, Blaine's gaze settled on Kurt's.

Kurt sometimes wondered what Blaine thought when he looked at him. He knew a lot of people instantly judged him for his looks, or his voice or the way he dressed or what they heard about him. He'd seen a lot of disgusted looks – annoyed ones too. He'd seen a few rare friendly smiles from his closest friends and even admiration on one or two occasions.

But he'd never seen the expression on Blaine's face before.

His eyes when they settled on Kurt's became just a bit brighter. They caught with the light on occasions, (like now) and Kurt was dazed by their beauty. He had initially thought that he was amused by him. That when he was hitting on him it was all a joke, a ploy to manipulate the new kid, in the way that after a while he believed he had done to Jeff.

But now he wondered if there was something different in that golden gaze… something bigger than just amusement. After hearing a glimpse of his past from Puck and his own revelation to his intentions to Jeff (or at least, a brief – albeit angry- summary), Kurt didn't think that that was what it was at all.

But he could only wonder.

He heard distantly the sound of their teacher's rebuke for Blaine's tardiness, and the glimpse of a dry reply (in perfect Italian of course), but he was too distacted by his flood of relief.

Blaine was okay.

"Buongiorno belle," Blaine winked as he slipped into the seat next to Kurt. Inspired by a flash of momentary wisdom, Kurt replayed the saying in his head before whipping out his phone under his desk and accessing google translate, attempting to phrase his words.

_Good morning beautiful._

Kurt smiled down at his phone as the simple phrase blinked back at him. He looked up and met Blaine's gaze, which was still on him.

"Yes," Kurt uttered quietly, holding Blaine's gaze intently, "it is, isn't it."

~.~

After Italian class, Kurt was walking to his science class when he heard the somehow familiar tune of Blaine's lyrical footsteps, moving to their own beat. Was it strange that out of all things, Kurt had memorised the sound of his walk. It made much more sense than a heartbeat, being more audible of course, and was somehow much less creepy than memorising something truly absurd such as his pattern of blinking or even the steady flow of his breath.

But his footsteps were easy, always the same. He took short steps, his small legs unable to reach Kurt's lengthy strides, but to match his pace, he walked quicker. There was an almost bounce to his walk. Despite everything Blaine had been through he somehow managed to maintain the bright bounce in his walk that reminded Kurt of an eager child. Kurt wondered absently what Blaine had been like as a child before he remembered that present!Blaine was right at his side and he turned his attention to him.

"Can I help you?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow in question.

"I heard you switched rooms," Blaine said conversationally, walking in step with Kurt although Kurt knew for a fact (no, he was not a stalker) that he had English class right now which was down the other end of campus.

"You heard correct," Kurt confirmed, unsure of Blaine's angle. "What of it?"

Blaine tilted his head to the side with a smile that flickered with amusement (yes, _this much _was amusement, Kurt was sure). "And your new roommates are?"

"Why do you ask?" Kurt asked quickly, still trying to figure Blaine out.

Blaine's smile only broadened. "Well," he began, "as lead Warbler soloist, it's part of my duty to look out for fellow Warblers. I'm well aware of your primary intention of joining Warblers."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. _What _was _he talking about._

"Protection," Blaine finished simply.

_Oh._

"It's okay," Kurt assured him, "I'm with Tim-"

"Stoner Tim?" Blaine asked, his brow furrowed.

Kurt nodded. "He's okay though. He brings me coffee if I don't dob him in for smoking."

Blaine let out a laugh of disbelief and he shook his head. "Only you, Kurt Hummel, could get Stoner Tim to fucking _bring you coffee._"

Kurt shrugged. "It's a talent," he quipped sassily. Blaine laughed again and Kurt's heart fluttered. He had a nice, musical laugh that Kurt thought he'd like to listen to for a while longer…

But his pleasant thoughts were suddenly interfered by a worrisome thought.

"Wait," Kurt said slowly, "why are you looking out for me? I'm-I'm not a Warbler. I never completed the initiation."

Realisation dawned on Blaine's face. "Oh," he said blankly, clearly not having considered this. "I guess not then…"

"But," Kurt ventured carefully, "what if I completed it… I mean, I know I said no, but-"

Blaine's expression was seized by a sudden grin, larger than Kurt had ever seen on his face. Kurt had scarcely seen Blaine smile since his arrival. Sure, he'd seen plenty of smirks, but pretty much never actual _genuine _happy smiles. And this was more than a smile. He was fully-fleged _grinning _at him, all bright and messy and teeth and lips and _perfect. _Kurt wanted to sink into his sunshine forever.

"I'll pick you up at eight," Blaine said, accompanied by a wink. He left Kurt then, sauntering back down the hall, leaving Kurt overly flustered at the door of his science class.

Fuck.

He had a date with Blaine Anderson.

What had he gotten himself into?


	12. you've got your head in the clouds

Friday night found Kurt pacing the dull greys of his carpeted floor, nervously debating between his blue and green scarf. He couldn't help but realise how his actions mirrored the previous week when he was trying to decide which jeans to wear to the Warblers party (oh, how irrelevant his wardrobe choices ended up being…).

It was strange how much had changed within this week. Time was a strange science. It was always passing too fast or too slow, an un-believeable amount of events lapsing by. Kurt shot a look at his calendar, which informed him that he had been at Dalton Reform Acadmey a grand total of two months.

Two months? Somehow it still felt just like yesterday that he walked through the front doors of the Academy…

And yet, when he shot a grateful look over at Tim (who had kindly suggested that he go with the green as it 'brought out his eyes'), he felt like he had been here his entire life.

Time is a scary thing. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. Sometimes we move so quickly that we forget to pause for a moment and look back at how far we've come.

In the past year, Kurt had gained a new step brother and mom, gotten revenge on the guy who has been tormenting him for his entire freaking life, moved schools, moved house, made friends, lost friends, fallen out of love, falling _in _love…

Kurt's eyes widened as they examined his reflection in the cracked glass of the small mirror that their bedroom provided.

Fuck.

He was in love with Blaine Anderson.

"You alright?" Tim asked from his position at his desk where he was studiously copying Kurt's English notes.

Kurt swallowed the sudden lump that had appeared at his revelation. "I'm-I'm fine," he faltered, wrapping his green scarf around his neck. He cast another look at the mirror, but this time he held his reflection's gaze.

Despite himself, a small smile appeared. Wow, he really was growing. Literally. He was finally losing his baby cheeks and his jaw was distinctively more defined than the last time he had _truly _looked, not to mention he'd finally grown a few feet taller. He was nearly as tall as Tim now!

As Blaine's knock sounded on the door, he shot himself another small, private smile. Here he was, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, going on his first date. He hadn't felt this happy in a while…

Or this nervous, actually.

When Kurt opened the door carefully, he found Blaine resting against the frame, smriking down at him cockily, his eyes bright with anticipation, his dark eyelashes fluttering in a thick framework. A single curl hung across his forehead and Kurt had the odd urge to reach out and tuck it behind his ear. But he was too scared, too scared that Blaine might reject him or flinch away. He had to be careful not to scare him away.

He really cared about him… he didn't want to mess this up.

"Cazzo," Blaine breathed, his eyes trailing up and down Kurt's long and lean frame, his best features carefully accentuated in his new outfit. "Sei bellissima."

"Okay," Kurt said with a breathy laugh, "if this date is going to work, you're going to have to start talking in English."

"Aww, but it's fun," Blaine teased with a smirk. Kurt rolled his eyes. "You ready to go?"

Kurt nodded and waved a goodbye to Tim as Blaine watched on incredulous. He allowed Blaine to take his arm as they walked down the hall, trying to calm the shivers that ran through him at Blaine's warm touch and hoped he didn't notice.

"So where are you taking me?" Kurt asked as they made their way out into the dark cark park. Kurt internally congratulated himself on finding an outfit that was both fashionable _and _warm, as it was rather cool in the winter night air.

"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?" was Blaine's reply as he directed them to his sleek, black car, holding open the door for him.

"No motorbike?" Kurt couldn't help but quip, sliding into the passenger seat. Blaine laughed as he shut the door behind him, climbing in the other end.

"No, I got rid of that ages ago…" he said, starting the engine. His tone was light, but Kurt noticed his eyes flashing with memory and he couldn't help but wonder if that was a tale for another moment…

Kurt decided not to push it. As Blaine pulled out of the Dalton carpark, Kurt reached for the stereo, pressing play and smirking as the latest Britney Spears hit poured from the speakers.

"Britney? Really?" Kurt teased, just a hint of judgement in his voice. "You didn't really strike me as the Pop Princess sort of guy."

"Well," Blaine chuckled, unabashed, "under the risk of sounding cliché, there's a lot you don't know about me, Kurt."

"Anything I'll get to find out…?" Kurt pressed lightly, keeping his voice conversational although he was truthfully desperately curious to find out more about the dark, handsome and mysterious enigma that was Blaine Warbler.

"If you play your cards right," Blaine winked, reaching for the stereo and cranking up the volume as _Toxic _played. Kurt bit his lip, trying to will away the blush that rose in his stupidly pale cheeks as the memory of Blaine's lust driven stare at his Warblers audition filled his mind.

_Stop thinking about that_," Kurt warned himself.

"I like this song."

Kurt's eyes shot up quickly to meet Blaine's hazel stare at his quiet statement. Blaine stared back as the red light flashed in front of them, only breaking his intense gaze when the light flashed back to green.

"We're here," Blaine announced happily, moments later as they pulled into a restaurant car park. Kurt didn't recognise the name of the place, flashing bright on a pretentious sign above the spacious building.

Blaine helped him out of the car once more (much to Kurt's delight – this new dapper side to Blaine was rather exciting…) and together they walked inside.

The interior of the restaurant was just as nice as the exterior, but much less flashy. The carpets were plush and rich beneath Kurt's boots, an earthy brown to match the chocolate tones in the walls. It seemed to be in rather big business tonight, full of couples and families of all ages, but to his surprise not a single customer gave them so much as a second glance to the placing of Blaine's warm and steady hand on the small of Kurt's (not quiet so steady) back.

"Reservations for Anderson," Blaine addressed the host as they reached the front of the fast pacing cue.

"Right this way," the host said after flipping through the guest list. They were directed to a quieter part of the restaurant, smooth jazz pouring over the speakers. Their server left them with the menus after they were seated, Kurt glancing around eagerly, drinking the warm atmosphere in.

"Like it?" Blaine asked, just a hint of carefulness in his voice, as if he was truly worried that Kurt might not like it.

Kurt placed a daring hand on Blaine's. "It's lovely," he assured him, enjoying the way Blaine's eyes crinkled around the edges as he rewarded him with a happy smile – a genuine smile, instead of one of those sexy smirks that were his trademark.

Kurt decided he liked his actual smile better.

They talked for a few minutes, Kurt graciously praising the design of the place, Blaine telling him that his older sister directed him to the place. Kurt was about to ask more about her when their server returned.

They ordered and he left, leaving Kurt to ponder just how he should bring up the topic of his sister.

Thankfully, Blaine beat him to the punch.

"Let's play a game while we wait," he announced, leaning back easily in his chair and examining Kurt. Kurt smiled, thinking that Blaine looked more relaxed than Kurt had ever seen him.

"Okay," Kurt answered. "What did you have in mind?"

"Twenty questions," Blaine returned. "Or as I like to call it, getting to know each other without the awkward small talk."

Kurt smirked at his blunt reply. "Okay," he agreed. "But I get to go first."

"Deal." Blaine smiled Kurt's favourite smile and extended his hand in a gesture for Kurt to go ahead.

"Why did you have Britney Spears as the CD playing in your car?"

Blaine laughed, probably louder than was proper date protocol. "Out of all the questions…" he mumbled before answering properly. "After your audition I went out and bought the Greatest Hits CD. I guess you really opened her eyes to her brilliance."

Kurt sat with his mouth agape as Blaine winked.

"Sorry," Blaine chuckled. "I thought we had to be honest…"

"It's fine," Kurt replied, his voice more breathy and higher than he would have liked. "Totally fine…"

"Your turn," Blaine announced, looking rather amused at Kurt's flusterdness. He scrunched his face up adorably in thought until he found his question. "What do you want to do after school?"

That was easy. "Broadway."

"Broadway?" Blaine repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, college first, of course," Kurt elaborated. "Prefferably Julliard… somewhere in New York. I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to…"

Blaine nodded, a knowing glint in his eyes. Of course, everybody in their position wanted out of Ohio…

"That sounds reasonable," Blaine allowed. Kurt laughed.

"Most people think I'm just dreaming."

"Of course you are," Blaine said simply. "But how can you expect your dreams to come true if you don't create them in the first place. It's people with no scope for change, no scope for imagination, people who refuse to look farther than what they know or expect… those are the people who will never leave this place. Those are the people who don't succeed."

Once more, Blaine left Kurt speechless. How did he just _say _things like that?

Their server reappeared with their meals and thankfully Kurt had a distraction. He busied himself with his meal but could feel Blaine's eyes boring into him.

"What is it?" he had to ask after a few minutes.

Blaine smirked in reply. "It's your turn to ask the question."


	13. kept his lips wet

The night passed in a flurry of delicious food, gorgeous smiles and sweet music. They exchanged more questions, generally sticking to the generics and enjoying genuinely getting to know each other better.

Kurt was sad when Mr. Time crept up on them again, the waiter approaching with the check that Blaine sweetly paid for. He and Kurt continued their questions as they made way back to Blaine's car.

Kurt turned the music back on as Blaine started the engine, smirking at Blaine's blush as Britney came back over the speakers. He turned it to a generic station, the latest Ke$ha hit playing.

"Your turn," Kurt told him, settling back in his seat comfortably.

Blaine kept his gaze on the road as he bit his lip, looking as if he was debating whether to ask a certain question.

"When you were talking about Jeff…" he ventured carefully, "it made me wonder…" he took a breath as Kurt eyed him inquisitively. "How far have you ever been… with a guy?"

Kurt's eyes widened, feeling completely taken aback. His mind on auto-pilot, he founded himself stammering out honestly, "My first kiss was with a girl… and since… I've only been kissed by one other person. A guy… a bully, actually… he sort of… forced it on me."

Kurt couldn't help but notice the way Blaine's grip tightened on the steering wheel and his eyes sparked with anger.

The Ke$ha track ended and the light strumming of a familiar tune struck up.

The car swerved onto an unfamiliar street and Kurt opened his mouth to ask where they were going when Blaine pulled into a dark alleyway.

"You deserve better than that," he said hotly, tearing off his seatbelt and reaching over to caress Kurt's cheeks in his calloused hands. Kurt let out a small gasp as Blaine closed the distance, meeting his lips with a searing kiss.

When he pulled back, both of them were breathing deeply, Kurt's cheeks burning as Blaine's dark eyes washed over him.

"I've been wanting to do that all evening," he breathed. Kurt reached back over and crushed their lips together once more.

With shaking hands, Kurt grabbed Blaine by the shirt, pushing him over the console and into the backseat where he deftly fell against the leather, catching Kurt as he stumbled back with him.

Kurt's thighs found themselves planted either side of their captor, effectively straddling him. Shaking fingers tangled in curls as their kisses went deeper, full of a lush heat that Kurt hadn't been expecting.

_So this is what kissing is supposed to feel like_, Kurt thought as Blaine dragged his teeth over Kurt's bottom lip, making him let out an embarrassing whimper.

"Mmmm," Blaine murmured against his lips, "assaggiare deliziosi."

Kurt let out a gasp at the husky voice in which Blaine spoke. Blaine's Italian had always been a turn on for him, but while everything was so heated and Blaine's lips were speaking against his fucking _skin_…

Wow.

"Vi piace?" Blaine smirked, his fingers fiddling at the collar of Kurt's shirt. Kurt shivered and Blaine took the opportunity to kiss him once more, his tongue licking over his lips, asking for entrance.

As their lips exchanged heated kisses, their fingers fumbled with buttons and straps, pulling off each other's shirts and revelling in the new found warmth of skin on skin. Kurt ran a hand down Blaine's torso, Blaine gasping as he found a nipple.

"Sensitive?" Kurt quipped. Blaine let out a gasp that Kurt suspected was agreement.

"Ti piace," Blaine choked out as Kurt's hands continued to wander.

The heavy bass of the music thundered off the speakers as Blaine flipped them, slamming Kurt into the leather and attacking his neck with wet, open mouthed kisses as Kurt meweled beneath him. He let out an obscene moan as Blaine rolled his hips down.

"Così dannatamente bella," Blaine whispered reverently, leaning back so he could get a better look at Kurt's newly exposed chest, pale and perfect, but trembling under his capable hands.

"Blaine," Kurt whispered, meeting his eyes for a moment before they were both thrown back together in another flurry of frantic kisses, peppering on every surface they could find, lips, cheeks, necks, collarbones…

But Blaine's hands had found themselves wandering. Kurt could feel their coarsness trailing all over, caressing his cheek, sliding down his shoulders and over his back, running up and down his sides, before they ventured lower, trailing along the muscles of his legs and stitches in his jeans.

Kurt's eyes blew wide open at the familiar heat pooling tight in his stomach. He had to stop, before something happened that he was going to regret…

"I'm not losing my virginity in the backseat of a car," he blurted out before he could stop himself.

Blaine's eyes, wide in surprise as Kurt pulled back quickly, soon turned light with amusement as he doubled over laughing.

"I'm sorry," he wheezed, as Kurt flushed red, glaring at him. "Your face was just so adorable…"

Kurt ignored the swell in his heart at the way Blaine called him 'adorable', climbing back over Blaine and into the front seat.

Climbing after him, Blaine ran a hand through his own curls, trying to steady his shaking legs. He handed Kurt his shirt and they both redressed quickly, trying to fix their mussed appearance. When Kurt eventually gave up on his hair, he fell back into his chair with a frustrated sigh, looking over at Blaine who had fixed him with another intense look, filled with some of the heat that he had just bestowed on Kurt before.

"For the record," Blaine said in a low voice, speaking in English for once, "I think it looks rather sexy like that."


	14. you'd tear this canvas skin apart

The rest of the car drive continued in silence. As Blaine drove past the whirling lights the tension between them was thick and electric. Kurt couldn't even bring himself to look at Blaine without an involuntary shudder running through him.

When they finally arrived back at Dalton, Blaine was walking Kurt back to his dorm when he finally broke the silence.

"You know we still haven't finished the game," he pointed out as they reached Kurt's floor.

"Oh, right," Kurt said, his face blank as he pulled out a generic question from his mind. "Uh… do you have any pets?"

Blaine let out a grunt as they reached Kurt's door and he turned towards him with narrowed eyes.

"What?" Kurt asked defensively. He knew it was a lame question but it was better than any of the others circulating his mind…

"I can tell you've been holding back, Kurt," Blaine said darkly.

Kurt glanced away. _Shit…_

"Come on," Blaine urged. "Ask me what you've wanted to ask this whole evening…"

Kurt bit his lip, cursing himself for being such a damn open book. He feared what Blaine's reaction would be to his question. They had come so far this evening… he didn't want to ruin it all because of his stupid curiosity. But Blaine's stare was insistent so he blurted out,

"Who hurt you?"

Blaine's expression was stunned. This clearly this wasn't the question he had expected.

"Last Friday night," Kurt clarified.

"Karofsky," Blaine answered slowly, after he had finally regained himself. "David Karofsky."

Kurt felt his chest seize up. His mouth positively _ached _to ask more; why Karofsky? Who started it? What had happened?

But his questions were up. So he resisted.

"Your turn," Kurt prompted, his voice a little shaky. Blaine nodded, his expression unreadable as he asked,

"Why didn't you ask me about why I was at Dalton?"

Kurt mulled his question over for a moment, struggling to find an appropriate answer, one that wouldn't scare Blaine away, wouldn't make him regret this whole thing…

Deciding that no such answer existed, he decided to go with the truth.

"Because whatever you did," he ventured carefully, finding it hard to look into Blaine's eyes, luminous, even in the dark hallway, "it doesn't affect the way I feel… about you."

Blaine shook his head vehemently, running a shaking hand through his hair.

"You don't understand, Kurt," he said, his tone harsh and almost angry. "I'm _not _a good guy."

"Blaine," Kurt said firmly, all hesitance gone. He _needed _Blaine to understand what he said, he _needed _him to listen. It was more important than any of his stupid pride or fear of rejections. Blaine was worth more than that. "You need to stop this."

Blaine looked up, surprise flickering in his gold eyes at the urgency of Kurt's tone.

"You can deny it all you want, Blaine Anderson," Kurt continued seriously, "but deep inside of you there is a boy, a boy who has been hurt and no matter how much you try to _supress_ him with fighting and cigarettes and alcohol," Blaine's eyes shifted uncomfortably but Kurt reached for his hand, turning his gaze back on him, "he is going to _keep _hurting until you try and help him." He took a deep breath, giving Blaine a moment to digest this before continuing in a softer voice. "You can do better than this, Blaine… it's not too late."

Blaine's eyes, greener than Kurt had ever seen them, met his, a challenge sparkling within.

"Then give me someone to do better for."

Kurt was stunned speechless. Blaine had said it so surely and unwaveringly that Kurt couldn't help but wonder how long he had wanted to say this. Kurt's heart broke at the earnestly in Blaine's words. He wondered how long it had been since Blaine had had to rely on other people; his mom, his sister, the staff at Dalton, the Warblers…

Maybe what Blaine needed was someone to rely on _him _for a change. Someone to put their trust in him.

Kurt wanted to have the right words for Blaine. He wanted to tell him everything he needed to hear…

But he just didn't know how.

His mind was still whirling when the door behind them sprung open, making them both jolt back in shock. Tim stood before them, looking apologetic as he held out the cordless phone, connected to the school's office system, one of the few possessions the dorm provided them with.

"It's the Dean," Tim explained grimly, wincing under Blaine's angry glare. "She said it was urgent."

Kurt nodded and took the phone from him. As he entered their dorm, he reached for Blaine's hand, pulling him in with him. To his surprise, Blaine held on tightly, realisation evident on his face as he watched Kurt speak, surprise, then shock, then excitement, then sadness, rapidly taking over Kurt's expression throughout the conversation.

Blaine already knew what this was about.

When Kurt hung up the phone at last, he turned to Blaine with an expression of disbelief.

"Karofsky came clean," he managed, his voice a little breathless. "He's been expelled and…" Kurt took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I'm going back to McKinley."


	15. i shiver when i hear your name

Blaine's eyes darkened at Kurt's words and Kurt felt a surge of fear run through him. He knew he wasn't dangerous, he couldn't be.

But it wasn't what Blaine had done that scared Kurt.

It was what he was doing to him that scared him.

What he was doing to his heart - because Kurt had _never _felt like this. Not about Finn, not about Sam, not about Jeff and most definitely not with Karofsky.

It was all new territory.

Kurt's mind was whirling as Blaine took a step forward, closing the already tiny distance between them. His breath was hot on Kurt's neck as he leaned forward and whispered in his ear.

"I guess I'd better give you something to remember me by then."

Kurt could only gasp as Blaine's talented mouth latched onto his neck, licking and biting his way across. A little whimper escaped his throat and Blaine swallowed it down, moving to his lips and kissing him deeply.

Kurt felt his head spinning from lack of oxygen and the dizzying sensations running through him. He broke back from the kiss gasping for air. Blaine leaned in again but Kurt pushed him back.

"We can't do this here," Kurt whispered in answer to Blaine's questioning look. Blaine's eyes were hungry as they considered this. Kurt didn't know exactly what he was implying – the words had just slipped out.

But before he had time to say anything else, Blaine grabbed his hand and was pulling him down the other end of the hall, flinging open the last door on the floor and pushing him inside the thankfully empty dorm room and pinning him against the wall, lips wet against his collarbone.

Kurt's breathing stuttered for a moment as he realised that Blaine had been sleeping just down the hall this entire time. Blaine slept down the hall from him. He dreamt down the hall of him.

"What do you dream about?" Kurt whispered, his mind unfiltered at the urgent press of Blaine's lips.

Blaine pulled away for a moment, lips lightly bruised and eyes full of unmistakeable lust. "You," he growled before pressing his lips against his again, with more force, more need more _hunger_.

Kurt was lucky Blaine had a good hold of him as he felt his knees weaken. Blaine… dreaming of _him_.

"What do you dream about me?" Kurt couldn't help himself.

Blaine let out a moan and nudged Kurt's thighs apart, pressing a leg between. Kurt gasped at the friction.

"You…and me…" Blaine groaned. "Last night… you fucked me."

Kurt hit his head against the wall as he threw his head back, a rather obscene noise that he couldn't believe had come from his own mouth echoing in the dark space of the empty dorm.

Blaine had dreamt about him fucking him.

_Holy shit._

And just like that, Blaine had lit up something inside of him. A new light sparked in his eyes as he captured Blaine's lips in a hot, lush kiss, pulling away only to murmur in his ear.

"Why don't we make your dreams a reality then?"

Grinding down against Blaine's thigh, Kurt was rewarded by a rather loud moan from Blaine. Kurt smirked, licking his way down Blaine's throat, peppering short, hot kisses across his collarbone.

"Can't say no to that," Blaine agreed, his voice breathless nad higher than Kurt had heard it as he undid the top buttons of his cardigan. He undid the rest, sliding it off and starting to work on his button down.

"Why so many layers?" Kurt whispered frustrated as his fingers fumbled with buttons.

"Sorry," Blaine whimpered as Kurt pulled the rest of it off with a yank.

"You should be," Kurt muttered absently under his breath, his eyes drinking in the sight of Blaine's bare chest in front of him for the second time.

He was beautiful.

"Please stop staring."

Kurt looked up, a flash of hurt stinging in his chest. He hadn't meant to be so obvious. He tried to meet his eyes but Blaine was looking down at his stomach, a flicker of something all too well known to Kurt, flashing in his eyes.

It was self-consciousness.

Kurt followed the path of his eyes down to just above his hipbone where the brand of carved skin stood out. FA it read.

"Blaine," Kurt breathed, moving his hand towards it gently. Blaine batted it away, now looking at the floor. "What-who did this to you?"

"Just a bunch of douches at my old school." The casualness of Blaine's tone filled Kurt with sadness. "They didn't get time to finish before the cops arrived." Blaine met Kurt's eyes darkly. "Branded me with my own knife. That's why I'm here, Kurt. Because I was in possession of a weapon."

"What about the others?" Kurt gasped.

Blaine let out a derisive laugh. "In Juvie. At least I got the better deal."

Kurt didn't ask why Blaine had a knife with him. He didn't want to know. Right now it wasn't important.

"If it means anything," Kurt said slowly, "I didn't even notice it until you pointed it out."

Blaine's eyes flashed and he let out a small sigh. Kurt smiled to himself as he realised that Blaine had probably been waiting for somebody to say that for a long time.

"I think you're beautiful," Kurt breathed earnestly, taking Blaine's cheeks in his hands. Blaine leaned into the caress, his eyes shining as he met Kurt halfway for another kiss, a lot more gentle and certainly more loving than any of the others they had shared previously.

But this time they didn't stop.

Soon their kisses turned more feverish and frantic, hands mapping out skin heatedly, muscles twitching under quick, soft touches. They made quick work of the rest of their clothes, tossing them aside and climbing eagerly onto the bed.

"Do you have-?"

Blaine nodded, quickly pulling lube out of his bedside drawer and handing it to Kurt. Kurt swallowed hard, wondering how long he had had that. He wondered distantly if he had ever fingered himself whilst thinking about him…

"Yes," Blaine uttered hoarsely, his eyes feverish and hungry as they met Kurt's. "I have."

_Shit. That wasn't supposed to be out loud._

Pretty much past the point of caring, Kurt quickly unscrewed the lid and drizzled the cool liquid over his fingertips, moving closer to Blaine. Blaine wrapped his hands around Kurt's hips and rested his head in the crook of his collarbone as Kurt shifted his hands lower.

"Ah-fuck!" Blaine cried out.

"Sorry," Kurt winced. "I-I've never done this before."

"It's okay," Blaine hissed. "Just-just go slow."

Kurt nodded and waited until Blaine gestured to continue to push in further. Blaine cried out again, but he adjusted quicker, begging Kurt to add another, and then another until…

"Fuck!" Blaine screamed.

"Prostate?" Kurt whispered.

"Yup," Blaine confirmed breathily, his eyes bright and breathing laboured. Kurt's heart swelled. He was beautiful like this, coming apart under his touch. He ran a hand through Blaine's loose curls.

"Let me know when you're ready," Kurt said softly. Blaine met his eyes and he didn't even need to speak – his eyes said everything.

_I am ready._

Kurt aligned himself up with Blaine, their eyes locked the entire time as Kurt slowly pushed in, a little worried about hurting him. The second of contact, Blaine began to cry out, moaning obscenely loud as Kurt pushed into him.

"So tight," Kurt gasped out. Blaine clenched his eyes shut, a mixture of pleasure and pain rushing coursing through his veins and lighting his entire body on fire.

"K-k-kurt," he cried, throwing his head back in ecstasy as Kurt brushed against his prostate.

Kurt thrust in again, loving the beautiful sounds coming from Blaine as he fell apart underneath him. Their touches grew even more frantic, more wanting, more feverish. Kurt tangled his fingers in Blaine's hair, tugging at it and emitting even more delicious cries from him. As he finally came, Blaine bit down hard on Kurt's shoulder, burning his name into his own skin. Kurt fell after, Blaine's name crying from his lips.

Physically and emotionally drained, Kurt fell back against the pillows, smiling at the smell of Blaine all around him – in the fabrics of the sheets, the softness of the mattress, the warmth of the body above him. Blaine laid against him, wrapping his arms around him and drinking in the feeling of _security _and warmth and comfort and love that he had gone so many years without.

And together, they slept better than they ever had.


	16. let me be the place where you hide

The sunlight streamed through the cracks in the curtains, splaying light over the bare surface of Blaine's skin. Kurt's breath hitched at the beauty of his deceivingly still form, still in pretend-sleep. He suspected he wanted to avoid the awkward morning after talk…

And yet, Kurt didn't feel awkward. He didn't feel empty… he felt as if there was something new inside of him. Growing…

Was _this _what love really was?

He traced his fingers over the light dust of dark hair on Blaine's back. He was tired of staying silent. He longed to hear Blaine's deep, familiar voice… even if he was going to tell him something he didn't want to hear.

"Blaine," he whispered softly when Blaine didn't move. "Blaine, I know you're awake."

Slowly, Blaine rolled over, his gold eyes boring into his.

"Hi," Kurt breathed.

"Hi."

The hall outside was starting to buzz with students going about their usual Saturday business. It was past ten, so they were slowly waking up, probably heading down to breakfast in the dining hall.

"Wes will be back soon," Blaine noted, absently playing with Kurt's fingers.

"Do you want me to leave?" Kurt asked carefully, hoping for the no that he knew wouldn't come.

"I-I," Blaine faltered. Kurt nodded gravely, untangling himself from Blaine's warm body. "No, Kurt," Blaine whined, grabbing for him again, "don't go. Not yet."

"Not yet?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. Blaine let out a sigh and fell back against the pillows in frustration.

"It's not like that," Blaine protested. "I _really _care about you, Kurt."

Kurt's heart fluttered at the declaration, despite the fear that his next words were going to break his heart.

"I don't know anything about relationships," Blaine continued, his eyes wide and full of a puppy like sincerity. "Hell, I've had nothing to know from. My own father-" he paused and Kurt wondered if he had been on the edge of a confession. "I don't know how to be in a relationship, Kurt."

"Neither do I," Kurt offered. "You've had more experience than I have…"

"And look how that turned out," Blaine said darkly. "Look, Kurt…" he sighed. "I'm not… I'm not ready to be in a real relationship. I…I don't want to hurt you."

Kurt's eyes glistened with unshed tears as he drunk in Blaine's words. He had been right. Blaine wasn't ready for this. And it wasn't right for him to expect him to be.

"Too late," he whispered. He got to his feet, quickly dressing himself as Blaine watched on mutely, his eyes large and sad as he grasped at the absent thoughts in his mind, trying to think of something more to say.

No words came.

"Goodbye, Blaine," Kurt said softly, not even able to look him in the eye as he walked out.

_Well, if this is what love feels like, it's not really worth it, _Kurt thought bitterly as the door slammed behind him, effectively breaking whatever stupid spell he had been under. God, why was he so stupid?

The worst part was that he couldn't even blame Blaine. He couldn't even hate him.

It was his own freaking fault.

~.~

Breaking the news to everybody had been harder than Kurt had thought. In spite of everything, he had made some pretty good friends in the hallowed halls of the academy.

But there was no way he could be sorry to leave.

At lunch time he tracked down Wes.

"Hey, Warbler Kurt," he greeted him brightly as he slipped into the plastic seat beside him. "I heard the news… congratulations."

"Thank you, Wes," Kurt said sincerely. "I know it's a weekend, but is there any chance you could organise a quick Warblers meeting… I just… I wanted to say thank you."

Wes clapped a hand firmly on his shoulder. "Of course," he said. "I think they'd all want a chance to say goodbye."

Kurt nodded, looking up just in time to see a flicker of black leather fleeing the cafeteria. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

_A chance to say goodbye…_

~.~

One good thing about Wes…

He always delivered.

The Warblers were gathered in the choir room by three and Kurt was addressing them at four past. The Warblers were all eyeing him curiously as he stood before them; an impressive figure in his classic black skinny jeans, yellow pea coat and matching boots. He didn't smile as he addressed them.

And he most definitely did not look in Blaine's direction.

…more than three times.

"Warblers," Kurt began, impressed at the steady pace he managed despite his messy emotions. "I'm sure you're wondering why Wes called this meeting… some of you probably have heard by now… but for those of you who don't know, I'm leaving Dalton and returning back to my own school." 

Murmurs filled the choir room at that. Apparently they hadn't heard…

Kurt cleared his throat, regaining their attention. "So, thank you Warblers, for everything you have done for me these past two months. I'll…" he couldn't exactly say "miss you"…

And yet, Kurt had an odd feeling that he probably would miss them. He had gotten used to the hallowed halls of Dalton Academy; to Trent's fashionable broaches, to Jeff's sunny laugh, to Nick's amusing stories, to Wes's business like demeanour and the constant presence of his loyal sidekick David.

But most of all he'd miss Blaine; those sparkling amber eyes that spoke millions, his murmurs of Italian nothings that Kurt could never quite understand but still made him blush.

The way he looked at him.

The way he made him feel.

The way he had held him and _loved _him the night before.

"I'll miss you," Kurt finally said, his eyes on the floor, avoiding the gold eyes he was thinking of. "So this is my little good bye present for you."

Wes gave him a nod of approval, pressing play on the radio, sitting back as the opening notes of the tune began to pour through the speakers. Kurt sighed deeply, drinking in the melody before opening his mouth to sing.

"_This is really hard_…" he whispered. "_If I look like I'm sweating, well… it's because I am_."

The boys chuckled and Kurt ducked his head to the floor, closing his eyes and letting the music flow through him.

"_I'm not good with words_," he sang quietly. "_But that's nothing new. Still I have to try and explain what I want to do. With you. With you…"_

He opened his eyes and lifted them to meet Blaine's softly.

"_Runaway with me"_

He saw Blaine's breath catch, his eyes glistening with mixed emotions as Kurt tunred away, singing to all of them, but allowing his gaze to flicker back to Blaine's occasionally just so he'd know.

So he'd know this song was for him.

_Let me be your ride out of town_

_Let me be the place that you hide_

_We can make our lives on the go_

_Run away with me_

All the other Warblers smiled up at him appreciatively. David had his head tilted to the side with interest and Wes was beaming happily. Nick was swaying in time with the music, nudging his shoulder with Jeff's, trying to get him into it too.

_I'm not trying to make you a wife here,_

_I'm not trying to tie you down._

_I'm just saying there may be a life here _

_A new one as soon as we run,_

_Just as soon as we run._

_Run away_

Taking a step forward, Kurt surged into the song, singing with all the passion and love he could muster. He needed to be like Adam – he needed to put himself, his whole heart on the line with just this song. He hadn't been able to say it… but maybe he could sing it.

_Let me be your ride out of town._

_Let me be the place that you hide._

_We can make our lives on the go._

_Run away with me._

_Mississippi mud – watch me slide._

_We'll be on the road like Jack Kerouac, looking back_

_Sam, you're ready, Sam_

_Let me be your ride out of town._

_Run away with me._

_California dreams here we come_

_Romeo is calling for Juliet_

_Ready, set, Sam, you're ready, let's go_

_Anywhere_

_Say the word and I'm already there!_

He let the note hang in the air for a moment, bright tears glistening against his lashes. Sniffling a little, he wiped his eyes before turning his gaze to Blaine who was holding back tears of his own.

Closing his eyes briefly, Kurt whispered the last line sadly.

_Run away with me_

The Warblers applause burst enthusiastically over the hall and Kurt allowed them all a small smile, meeting their hugs, high fives and well wishes as they departed the hall.

As expected, Blaine was the last to leave, trailing behind wistfully. His eyes were dark as they met Kurt's and all of a sudden Kurt knew everything. He knew Blaine loved him just as much as he loved him. But there was something missing.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," Blaine whispered. "So, so sorry."

Kurt nodded slowly. "I know-"

"No, you don't," Blaine shook his head. "But you will." He pulled out a sealed envelope from his jean pocket and presented it to Kurt. "I want you to understand, Kurt."

Kurt nodded. It was all he could do for a large lump had climbed up his throat, rendering him speechless.

"I'll see you around, bella," Blaine uttered, his voice sounding broken, even as he tried to muster a steady voice.

Kurt smiled weakly at him, waving slightly as his footsteps echoed down the hall, the resounding thud of the hall door silencing them.

And just like that he was gone.


	17. lights will guide you home

_A/N: This really is a bit of a filler chapter, but I hope this clears some things up._

* * *

><p>Rain drizzled across the Lima sky. Kurt sighed to himself as he lay back against the leather car seat, inhaling in the familiar scent. His dad was grinning beside him as he drove him home, but his own smile was forced.<p>

His hand tightened around the ink stained paper in his jean pocket. He had read Blaine's letter three times over before his dad picked him up that evening and he had memorised the entire thing, playing it over in his mind the entire trip.

"_Dear Kurt,_" the letter began:

"_I feel like this is an explanation of some sorts because God knows you deserve one. I'm so fucking sorry, Kurt. I know I completely stuffed up, but I wasn't lying to you when I said that I really have no clue what I'm doing._

_I'm going to have to start at the beginning I guess…"_

An old Mellancamp song hummed lightly through the speakers. Burt kept the volume on low, almost as if he was hoping Kurt would fill the gap with conversation.

But he couldn't. Not yet.

"_When I was fourteen I realised I was gay. I came out and it was hard – I lost the respect of a lot of my friends and peers… _

_It was even harder for my parents. _

_As a child they had idolised me. I was a piano protégée, I got fantastic grades, I was sporty, handsome, charming…_

_The night I came out to them it was late and I had gone to bed… their arguing woke me up. I didn't hear much of it… only my mother crying, 'what did we do wrong, Arthur?'_

_Things only got worse from that point._

_The bullying was bad. I won't go into details but it was both physical and verbal. Most of it directed at me but my parents copped some backlash._

_It took it's strain on my parent's relationship and one day it proved too much for my father…_

_He left without saying goodbye."_

Kurt bit back the lump in his throat as he mentally recalled that point of the letter. The first time he read it he had had to pause at that point, unable to see through the tears that he refused to shed.

As somebody who had a rather strong relationship with his father, it always pained him to see those who didn't. He didn't know what he would do without Burt and his love and his _acceptance. _He was his rock, the one person who would always be there.

"_About a month later I found his old motorbike still in the shed. Seeking some escape, any escape from all the shit that was going on I decided I was going to fix it up myself._

_It took a few weeks before I found the enscription on the engine._

'Take care of yourself – D' _it read._

_And so I tried. I started sticking up for myself and mom both at school and home. It made things infinitely worse; mom didn't like me fighting and I was getting into lots of trouble at school._

_But I was taking care of myself. Just like my dad wanted._

_And that's how I landed at Dalton."_

As the car pulled into the familiar drive of their street, Kurt felt an odd feeling surge in his chest that felt something like homesickness.

"Welcome home, kid," Burt said gruffly, pulling the ignition.

"_The worst thing about people is that they are so caught up in their own assumptions that they can't be bothered to look past them. They think they're smart and have you all figured out when really they have no fucking clue._

_When I came to Dalton they asked what I was in for and I told them I'd been fighting. That's it. They didn't need to know why and they didn't want to. They didn't care._

_When Wes heard I could sing he invited me to join the Warblers._

_I loved singing but was never able to pursue it at my other school (I was unpopular enough…) so I jumped at the chance to join. I liked being a Warbler. For the first time in a long time it looked like I had found my footing._

_And then Jeff came along."_

Burt moved to unbuckle his seat belt, still smiling to himself. Kurt reached across to embrace him in a gentle hug. Burt looked up, a little surprised.

"Thank you, dad," Kurt breathed, eyes shining with sincerity. "For everything."

Burt's expression softened. "It's good to have you home, kid. We really missed you… I really missed you."

Kurt nodded. "I know, dad… I missed you too."

"_We became friends pretty quickly (this was before Nick came along) and that developed into something more. I don't want to go too far into it because we were both stupid and reckless and moved far too fast. When we broke up it was messy and horrible and we were both pretty heartbroken._

_I think I might have loved him."_

He was welcomed at the door by Carole who smothered him in motherly hugs. He clenched his eyes shut and for a moment he could pretend that he was seven again and coming home from school camp to his mother's waiting arms.

Finn was right next to her, surprising him with an enthusiastic hug.

"We all really missed you, man," he told him earnestly.

"_Jeff was bitter and when people asked about it he twisted the story. Said I had pressured him into sex. I don't know what he told you, but I assume it was something along those lines…_

_No one said anything to my face but I heard plenty of things. Of course, with the black leather and the motorcycle people just assume you're a badass. People were too scared to confront me about anything._

_So as long as they were leaving me alone, I was fine._

_But then you came along."_

Later that night after the first family dinner he had had in months, a visit from Mercedes and a call from Rachel, he settled into bed. He snuggled warmly in his comforter, feeling a relief and secureness that he had missed when he was at Dalton.

"_You… god, Kurt, I don't even know how to describe you. For the first time in my life, when I was with you I liked the way I felt. I liked being able to make you blush or laugh (back before Jeff told you what a jerk I was). I liked the sound of your voice, the way you sang with your whole heart and the way your eyes sparkled under the light of the common rooms._

_I love you, Kurt Hummel._

_There I said it. It felt rather understated on paper so I said the words out-loud too. _

_And I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took me too long to realise it. _

_I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you this morning. I just…_

_Kurt, everybody in my whole life I've hurt. My mom… my dad… Jeff…_

_And I don't know how to not hurt you. And you're so perfect and beautiful that I couldn't fucking bear to be the one to break you._

The letter ends there. Kurt doesn't know if he ran out of time or didn't know how to end it… but he can't help but wonder if this is all the resolution he's going to get.

_No, _Kurt told himself as he shuts his eyes for the last time that night, _the letter isn't over… and neither were they._


	18. oh simple thing where have you gone?

_I don't know why I'm frightened_

_I know my way around here_

_The cardboard trees, the painted seas_

_The sound here_

He re-slipped back into the patterns of McKinley High far too easily.

With Karofsky gone, the bullying wasn't completely gone, but it was better.

The hockey kids didn't really have a lot against him and they seemed to prefer the verbal form of bullying to the physical, so thankfully he avoided the old locker shoves and slushie tosses. He was only just getting re-acquainted with his wardrobe and he liked being back in his nice clothes, his old skin.

He felt like himself again.

But there was still that hollowness in his chest that had never been there before.

It was the gape created by the loss of Blaine's presence.

He had been a part of him at Dalton, and now at McKinley he was gone.

_Yes, a world to rediscover_

_But I'm not in any hurry_

_And I need a moment_

But he felt like he was finding his way back at McKinley. His friends had welcomed him back with open arms (quite literally) and he had received perhaps, more hugs in his first few days than he had in a lifetime.

But he wasn't complaining.

At Dalton he felt… scared. He had tried to avoid contact with everybody, limiting himself to the occasional high five.

It was odd that although he was safer there than he had ever been at McKinley, here he was able to walk arm and arm with his friends down the hall, arms slung with warm camaraderie around each other.

_The whispered conversations in over crowded hallways_

_The atmosphere is thrilling here as always_

_Feel the early morning madness_

_Feel the magic in the making_

_Why, everything's as if we never said goodbye_

But the best part of his return was being back at New Directions.

Somehow, even without the expensive acoustics and leather couches, his old, cramped choir room was his heaven. He smiled at his friends across the room as he sang to them, his happiness bursting through the lyrics, his smile radiant.

He was home again.

_And this time will be bigger!_

_And brighter than we knew it_

_So watch me fly_

_We all know I can do it_

His eyes traced over them, taking in their shining eyes and sweet smiles. Brittany, nestled with her boyfriend Artie, Puck, grinning at him next to his girl Mercedes who was beaming for him. Rachel, tears in her eyes as she clutched at her heart dramatically. Santana as she tried to hide her emotions behind a small smile. Finn, his smile proud and large as he clasped at his girlfriend's hand. Mike and Tina, both deeply moved.

Even Mr Schuester who was nodding along enthusiastically with the performance…

_Could I stop my hands from shaking?_

_Has there ever been a moment _

_With so much to live for?_

They were his family.

His heart swelled as he came down from the height of his performance high, closing the song softly.

_The whispered conversations in over crowded hallways_

_The atmosphere is thrilling here as always_

_Feel the early morning madness_

_Feel the magic in the making_

_Why, everything's as if we never said goodbye_

He blinked back tears in the bask of their enthusiastic standing ovation. His hands shook beside him as he accepted their warm embraces.

But as good as it felt to be home, he couldn't ignore that pang in his heart.

There was still something missing – and that something was Blaine.

The old patterns of the old times resumed. Just as the song said, everything was still the same. The same old boring lesson plans, the same ridiculous glee club drama, the same crazy Sue Sylvester, the same cruel cheerleaders, the same stupid jocks and the same silly but wonderful friends.

But as the weeks drifted by, Kurt felt the dull ache in his heart intensify. He couldn't get Blaine out of his head anymore than Finn could multiply fractions.

He had consumed him; his mind, his thoughts, his _heart. _

And then one sunny summer morning, everything changed. The dull ache was replaced by an odd nervousness, the butterflies in his stomach almost like an omen.

Something was happening.

He was sitting in the courtyard, wincing under the harsh sunny light when he heard Puck crow above him.

"It looks like our little Hummel has visitors!"

Kurt felt his eyebrows fly up in surprise as he whirled around expectantly, his heart catching in his throat at the sight of the traditional Dalton blazers and one singular black leather jacket that made his stomach flutter nervously.

"Kurt," Blaine smiled, looking rather smug at the look of surprise on Kurt's face, "you said goodbye to the Warblers, but you didn't give us a chance to pay our due respects… and I know it's a little late, but these guys…" he sighed, frowning a little to himself, "-I- _we all _missed you."

Kurt felt a pang in his heart at the admission. How he had missed them…

"So we came up with this little something for you…" Wes chimed in, shooting Kurt a quick wink.

Kurt shook his head, disbelief washing over him as the Warblers assumed their positions, formal lines across the stone steps, their smiles bright as they began to harmonise behind their lead who stood front and centre, a sad expression melting behind his playful eyes as he began to sing.

_I walked across an empty land_

_I knew the pathway like the back of my hand_

_I felt the earth beneath my feet_

_Sat by the river and it made me complete_

Behind him, he briefly registered the chime of a piano as the school band joined in on accompaniment; but his eyes stayed on Blaine, his heart welling at the sincerity in his voice.

_Oh simple thing, where have you gone?_

_I'm getting old and I need something to rely on_

_So tell me when you're going to let me in_

_I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

Rushing past him, Blaine dashed down the stone steps, taking the pianist's spot at the brilliant instrument, his fingers practiced as they danced across the keys.

_And if you have a minute why don't we go_

_Talk about it somewhere only we know?_

_This could be the end of everything_

_So why don't we go somewhere only we know?_

_Somewhere only we know_

One by one, the Warblers slowly approached him, circling him with hugs and handshakes. Kurt felt briefly overwhelmed. He'd never thought he'd ever get to see these guys again…

And yet, here they were.

And here was Blaine, singing his heart out to him, bearing his soul in the same way Kurt had done for him just last week.

_And if you have a minute why don't we go_

_Talk about it somewhere only we know?_

_This could be the end of everything_

_So why don't we go somewhere only we know?_

As the last of the Warblers said their final goodbyes, walking back up the stone steps, Blaine remained, his voice poignant and heart breaking as he held the last notes of the beautiful song.

And suddenly, Blaine was in his arms, clutching onto him tightly, head buried in his shoulder. Kurt stroked his back soothingly, feeling tears spring to his eyes as he held on for dear life.

"I don't want to say goodbye," Blaine choked out, his voice breaking slightly.

Kurt shook his head fiercely, refusing to loosen his hold on him. "I'm never saying goodbye to you."


	19. louder than sirens

Over the next few months, time flittered on as always. Kurt and Blaine grew, both apart and in their relationship. The intimacy of their friendship was looking on with disapproval by Kurt's New Directions friends but the Warblers were oddly supportive.

"We're just glad he finally found somebody," Wes told him.

Over time they had lapsed into a comfortable pattern. Blaine couldn't remember the last time his life had shaped into something resembling happy.

Until everything came to a stand still.

* * *

><p>It was eleven at night when Kurt got the call. He was still studying – he had a Math test the next day – and looked at the blinking icon reading his friends name with shock. He had just gotten off the phone with Blaine a few hours ago.<p>

"Hey," he said into the receiver. "What's wrong?"

Silence.

"Blaine," Kurt said, his voice wavering at the shaky exhale of breath on the other end of the line. There was a small whimper.

Blaine was crying.

"Blaine-Blaine," Kurt repeated frantically, "what's wrong?"

"My dad," Blaine choked out.

"_He's dead."_

* * *

><p>The fields were littered with dead flowers, presses of red, orange, yellow and pink staining the too long green grass. Blaine kept his eyes on the flowers as he walked forward, his legs somehow working on auto-pilot, even if the rest of him was in shock.<p>

Beside him, Kurt was ever present, his soft palm encircling his. Blaine knew his hands were cold, but Kurt was so warm, so comforting as he pressed just a little tighter, reminding Blaine that he was still there, and that he wasn't leaving any time soon.

The funeral was a small affair; only a few of the Anderson's closest friends. Kurt sat in the front row with Blaine, his hand never leaving his as the service began.

Blaine didn't cry.

Kurt was so afraid he would. He knew that if Blaine couldn't hold it together than he wouldn't be able to either. His heart ached for the boy. He deserved so much more than the pain that had been an awful constant throughout his life.

When the ceremony finally came to a close, the guests began to rise, ready to pay their condolences when there was a call behind them in the distance.

"Blaine!"

Blaine started, whirling around in shock to face the group of boys hurrying down the hill. A disbelieving grin washed over Blaine's face as he took in the Warblers, dashing forward and seizing their lead singer in a group hug.

Kurt hung back, smiling proudly as Blaine was passed around the group, looking breathless in wonder. He was so beautiful when he smiled.

"Guys," he breathed. "What-what are you doing here?"

"Kurt told us what happened," David said solemnly.

"We thought you could do with a bit of extra support," Wes added.

"We have a song prepared!" Nick declared, looking delighted. Blaine bit his lip and Kurt could sense he was trying not to cry.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered, turning to him. "Is it true? Did you…?"

Kurt nodded and Blaine exhaled deeply, seizing him in a tight hug, clutching at his hair. Kurt melted into his embrace, shuddering at the intimate feel of his arms around him. His heart ached at the force of it. He loved Blaine. He loved him so much.

When they pulled back, the Warblers had already assumed their positions and they began their accappella harmonising. Kurt entangled their fingers once more, giving Blaine some extra support as they started to sing.

_All shall fade_

_The flowers of spring_

_The world and all the sorrow_

_At the heart of everything_

Nick's voice rang out over the dulcet tones of the others and tears gathered at the sound of it. He could see Blaine's family and friends sway lightly behind him and he was glad they could appreciate this.

_But still it stays_

_The butterfly sings_

_And opens purple summer_

_With a flutter of it's wings_

Kurt bit his lip as they all joined in for the bridge, the beauty of their solidarity heartbreaking.

_The earth will wave with corn_

_The gray-flay choir will mourn_

_And mares will neigh with_

_Stallions that they mate, foals they've bourn_

_And all shall know the song of purple summer_

Kurt heard himself humming along subconsciously with the familiar tune and he blushed as Blaine looked up at him, his gold eyes wide and gentle.

_And yet I wait_

_The sallow brings_

_A song too hard to follow_

_That no one else can sing_

_The fences sway_

_The porches swing_

_The clouds begin to thunder_

_Crickets wander, murmuring_

He began to hum along with him and Kurt held his hand a little tighter. He can hear the guests start to hum behind him and the sheer sweetness of the moment threatened to break him.

_The earth will wave with corn_

_The gray-flay choir will mourn_

_And mares will neigh, with_

_Stallions that they mate, foals they've bourn_

Kurt felt the hard plastic chair give out from under him as Blaine pulled him up to the front with the Warblers. His heart shattered just a little as Blaine managed to hold it together for the rest of the song, his voice hardly wavering as he sang strongly along with his friends.

_And all shall know the wonder_

_I will sing the song of purple summer_

_All shall know the wonder_

_I will sing the song of purple summer_

_All shall know the wonder_

* * *

><p>After the funeral it was getting late but Kurt was sad to leave. He told Blaine as much and he widened his eyes in shock.<p>

"Please don't go," he blurted out and Kurt was a little taken aback at the pleading in his tone. He refused to let himself see too far into that but he agreed, holding Blaine's hand the entire way home.

He helped Blaine's mom make dinner while Blaine was watching a football game in the living room. She was a kind woman, who truly adored Blaine and had taken quite a liking to Kurt. Blaine had never had a friend who liked to cook and was interested in clothes and art and musicals. He was a good friend to her, too.

"Thank you, Kurt," she said quietly as they worked over the pasta.

Kurt lifted his eyes from the sauce ingredients with surprise.

"For staying," she elaborated. "No," she corrected herself, "for everything. For being there for Blaine when nobody was… for… for bringing him back to me. I haven't seen him this much like himself in ages. And…I missed him."

Kurt set down his knife, walking across the room to embrace the kind woman who cried silently into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she said thickly, pulling back and wiping at her tears delicately. "I'm just a bit silly today… it shouldn't be this hard… I shouldn't still love him."

"No," Kurt said soothingly, shaking his head. "I understand…" he couldn't help but spare a glance out the door, spotting Blaine curled up against the sofa arm, eyes completely captivated by the game.

Miss Anderson made a hum of disagreement. "He does love you, you know."

"I know," Kurt said seriously. "Just not… not the way I love him, you know?"

Miss Anderson shook her head. "There's hope for you two yet," she predicted softly.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'd just like to note that this is the second last chapter..._


	20. awake in the infinite cold

_A/N: Okay, so I totally intended for this to be the last chapter but it isn't. Please bear with me. _

* * *

><p>There were glimmers. Miss Anderson told him to hold onto hope but he tried not to. He really did. He didn't want to make himself believe in something that wasn't real.<p>

But sometimes it was hard.

It was hard when they stayed up late watching movies and Blaine fell asleep with his head on his shoulder.

It was hard when they went to the movies and Blaine would shrink into him at the scary parts and laugh loudly at the funny parts, side eyeing him to check that he was laughing to.

It was hard when they went out to coffee and Blaine would insist on paying.

It was hard when they studied together and Kurt would ask him a question, hear no answer and look up to see Blaine staring at him, his eyes wide and full of something Kurt couldn't quite place.

It was about a month after his father passed and Kurt was on edge. He was nearing the end of his senior year, graduation was looming and they were all getting ready to get their college applications back.

Kurt was filled with fear. He was fearful that he wouldn't get into the school of his dreams (Dalton had put a little dent in his hopes for NYADA but he had made up for it in extra-curriculars, snagging a job at the coffee shop that he and Blaine so often frequented and performing at their Regionals competition, leading them to victory). But he was also fearful of what would happen if he got in.

NYADA was in New York.

And Blaine was in Ohio, not graduating until next year.

* * *

><p>It was a Wednesday when the letter came. No special day, just an ordinary sunny Wednesday. Blaine had driven Kurt home from the Lima Bean and they had just pulled up to his house when he spotted a letter in the mail.<p>

"Blaine," he said, his voice tense. "I think that's it."

"That's what?" Blaine asked curiously, his eyes following Kurt's until they settled on the letter. "Oh."

"Will you stay?" Kurt asked fretfully, his whole body starting to tremble. "While I open it?"

"Of course," Blaine agreed, pushing Kurt out the door. "Go- go open it!"

Exhaling a shaky breath, Kurt ran up the yard, grabbing the letter out of the box. He turned back towards Blaine who gave him an impatient gesture, before he couldn't take it any longer and quickly ripped apart the paper. His heart skipped a beat.

The congratulations was all he needed to read before he burst into tears.

Blaine was at his side in a second, pulling him in his arms, whispering sweet nothings against his hair.

"You did it," he breathed and Kurt couldn't stop crying, nor his body shaking. But Blaine held on, held him tightly and surely before he calmed down.

"Are you mad?" Kurt asked suddenly.

Blaine was silent for a moment before answering. "No, of course not. Why would I be?"

"Because I'm going to New York and you have to stay here," Kurt answered, still unsure.

Blaine gave him a small smile. "And in a year's time I'm going to join you."

"You're coming to New York?" Kurt asked excitedly. This was the first time Blaine had mentioned any plans after high school.

Blaine smirked. "Why do you think that above everything I always had flawless grades? I've always been meaning to get out of this cow town. It's been the plan since I was three."

"Same," Kurt said a little breathlessly, suddenly feeling completely giddy. "Oh my god," he gasped delightedly, "I just… I can't believe it. I have to – I have to go call Rachel… and dad and Finn and oh my god." He couldn't help but throw himself into Blaine's arms once more, smiling as he caught him. Just like always.

Kurt's heart stuttered a little at Blaine's next words, happy tears threatening once more at his eyelids.

"I'm proud of you."

* * *

><p>Everything was falling into perfect place.<p>

Rachel received her acceptance letter the same day and they spent the entire afternoon sobbing on the phone together before Burt forced him to hang up.

That Saturday they scheduled to go out for dinner. Invited was Finn (who had received an acceptance letter into NYU where he wanted to study Music – he was going to try and pursue his drumming after attending a rock concert in the fall), Burt and Carole (naturally), Kurt, Rachel, her dad's and Blaine and his mom (who Kurt insisted on inviting).

It was lovely and perfect and everyone was getting along and for the first time in Kurt's life everything just felt _right._

He and Finn talked it over with Rachel and they decided that rather than boarding, they all would put in for a small apartment halfway between their schools. They started looking for places that night and they continued to look for the next week until they finally settled on a small but decent little place that Kurt adored from first glance.

The rest of the year flew by scarily fast and suddenly everything was happening at one. Soon they had finals and then they had Nationals which by some miracle they actually came first in. The whole thing was a big blur, the most standout memory for Kurt standing on stage, holding the final note in _Stars,_ feeling as if the world was at his feet as tears clouded his vision and nothing else mattered but the song in his heart and the adrenaline in his veins.

A week later was graduation. Honestly, his whole life he had been waiting for this day. And yet… when he shook Principal Figgins it just hit him that it was all over. He wasn't coming back.

The bullies couldn't touch him anymore. He'd never have another slushie. He'd never have to see another Letterman jacket again.

But that wasn't all that was ending.

_New Directions _was ending. Impromptu performances, group numbers on the auditorium stage, that old choir room…

No more.

And the tears came hard and fast and he was sobbing into Rachel's shoulder because she just knew because she felt it too and until the ceremony was over they held onto each other and cried until Kurt felt ridiculous.

He took a quick trip to the bathroom to clean up before meeting his dad. He couldn't resist running his hands over the walls in goodbye before he left, although he was thankful he remembered the Dettol.

He made his way quickly out to meet his family and Blaine (who had also come to the ceremony). He found them waiting by his locker but he instantly noticed Blaine was missing.

"Where's Blaine?" he asked confusedly. He had said he was going out with them for lunch afterwards…

Burt shrugged. "He said he was going to find you."

Kurt frowned to himself, hoping he ahdn't gotten lost or something. "I'll go find him…"

He made his way back down the hall, grabbing his phone out of his pocket and calling his number. A stab of worry filled him as the call rung through to voicemail. He increased his pace, hurrying down the hall at the sound of raised voices.

His heart caught in his throat as he pushed through the choir room doors, the sight of Blaine pushing his friend Sam up against a wall, his hand tight against his throat.

"Take it back you sick motherucker!" Blaine spat, his voice full of a rage that Kurt had never heard and made him freeze on the spot. "Fucking _take it back_."

"Blaine!" Kurt cried out as Blaine pushed harder on the boy's windpipe, his free hand raised in a fist.

Blaine dropped his hand with a start, Sam gasping as he pulled free.

"Your boyfriend is a psychopath," he snarled at Kurt, pushing past him as he stormed out.

Blaine ran a shaky hand through his hair, trying to steady his breath. Kurt felt his breath still stuttering erratically through his lungs and he wondered absently if this was what a panic attack was like.

"Blaine," he treaded carefully, not wanting to set him off again, "what the fuck was that?" or not.

"Nothing," Blaine growled, following the path Sam had taken out the door. Kurt ran after him, startled.

"Blaine!" he called. "Where are you _going_?"

"Home," Blaine answered shortly. "Enjoy your graduation dinner."

Kurt watched him storm out of the building with hot tears pooling in his eyes. How could he have wrecked this day that had been so important to him?

And what the fuck happened between them anyway?


	21. with the lights out it's less dangerous

_A/N: Merry Christmas Eve! xx Although for our boys the times are much less festive :S _

* * *

><p>The night was a dizzy whirl of colour around him as he drunkenly stumbled down the streets. He felt light headed and his chest ached with guilt. He knew Kurt was probably having the time of his life with his friends, enjoying those last moments they had together that Kurt had invited him to be a part of. It meant a lot to him that he did – that he wanted Blaine there.<p>

And of course he had to go and fuck it up.

Fucking stupid Sam Evans it was all _his _fault. He knew none of the New Directions liked him. They were suspicious of him, they judged him and they didn't want him hanging around Kurt.

But for Kurt's sake, they dealt with it.

But Sam apparently couldn't.

He had been searching for Kurt when he overheard him. He was on the phone and in between muffled conversation he heard Kurt's name and the overprotective instinct in him flared up.

"-yeah, he brought Anderson," Sam was saying. "Did you hear that he might be coming to McKinley next year? Ugh, before long he'll go down the same path as his good for nothing father and then Kurt will be-"

The smash of the phone against the floor could barely be heard above the smack of Blaine's hand against his skin. He punched every surface he could reach before managing to back him up against the wall, his hands tight at his windpipe.

How fucking dare he say those things? How dare he talk about his father?

Sam didn't know what pain was. He didn't know loss he didn't know true sadness and what it was like to be desperate and afraid and scared and cold and hungry for a life that he once had. He didn't know what it was like to fall asleep every night with tears burning behind his eyelids, waking up every few hours, muffling his screams into his pillow.

He didn't know what it was like to sit huddled on the cold bathroom floor, admiring the gentle drip of blood against the tiles.

And until then he didn't know a fucking thing about Blaine _or _his father.

* * *

><p>Kurt bit his lip sadly, swirling his drink around in his glass. The rest of his friends were buzzing happily around him but nagging worry was unsettled in his chest, preventing him from joining in the fun.<p>

Across the table he could see Sam glaring at the table cloth, apparently having the same problem.

After a moment Sam looked up and met his eye darkly. He nodded shortly and Kurt rose, excusing himself from the table.

He needed some air.

* * *

><p>The flashing neon lights of the dingy bar had looked appealing from a distance but as he entered to the stench of sweat and wet wood, Blaine felt almost sick. He sidled up to the bar, ordering a beer although he knew he was in no position to drink any more than he already had.<p>

"Hey there," a low voice growled beside him, sending an uncomfortable shiver down Blaine's spine. He turned to see a tall, handsome boy leering down at him, his stance almost predatory. "Haven't seen you around here before…"

Blaine almost snorted at the horrible pick up line. "I have no idea where I am," he admitted.

The boy smirked. "Welcome to Scandals…?"

"Blaine," Blaine offered.

"Sebastian," the boy grinned, offering his hand. Blaine shook it reluctantly. "And what brings you here, Blaine?" Blaine stiffened, not really liking the way his tongue caressed the 'l' of his name, almost possessively. He leaned closer and Blaine could smell alcohol and cologne on him.

"I needed a distraction," Blaine admitted, the words falling off his tongue before he could stop them.

Sebastian's smile broadened. "I can help with that," he said, reaching for his hand and pulling him out of his seat.

"What are you doing?" Blaine asked, too tired to protest.

"Dance with me."

* * *

><p>In the cool breeze outside the restaurant, Kurt shivered, wishing with an aching pain in his chest, that Blaine was here to keep him company, to offer him his tattered leather jacket or a soft sweet smile that filled him with painful hope that he couldn't afford to have.<p>

He checked his phone for the fiftieth time that night and sighed wistfully at the emptiness of his inbox.

"Are you okay, little bro?" a voice said behind him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Kurt gave his brother a meek smile. "Yeah," he lied, "just tired… it's been a long day."

"It's been a long year," Finn corrected with a sigh. "To be honest, I'm kinda glad it's all over, you know? A fresh new start and all that…"

Kurt's smile broadened just a little. "Yeah," he agreed, "I know…"

And then Finn startled him by suddenly wrapping his arms around him, pulling him in for a deep hug. Kurt was surprised at first, but then relaxed into his touch, warmth spreading across his chest, his breathing easing up just a little bit.

"What was that for?" Kurt asked curiously when he finally pulled back.

Finn shrugged. "You just looked like you needed a hug."

Kurt nodded, trying not to sniffle as tears clotted behind his eyelids.

"Thanks," he said earnestly. Finn patted him on the back.

"You ready to go home?"

Kurt exhaled gladly. "Definitely."

* * *

><p>The light of the moon was almost eerie as it illuminated the garden path up the back of the Hudmel household. Blaine knew the path like the back of his hand, his feet guiding him, even as his mind was elsewhere.<p>

Guilt coursed thick and dark through his chest. He had been wrong – so wrong. And he was sorry.

He just needed Kurt to see that.

He struggled up the thick oak tree outside his window before rapping on the glass three times, successfully getting Kurt's attention.

He opened the window hastily to let Blaine in.

"Where have you _been_?" he asked frantically. Blaine fell immediately into his arms once inside and Kurt sobbed with relief as he held him tight.

Slowly, Kurt guided him to the bed and Blaine exhaled gratefully. Kurt pulled down the covers and Blaine clambered in quickly, smiling as Kurt slipped in beside him, pulling him into the warmth of his arms.

"Kurt," Blaine said suddenly, turning in his arms for a moment, whispering, "I'm sorry."

Kurt smiled softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"It's okay," he said reassuringly. "I'm just glad you're safe."

And here in Kurt's arms; he was.

But when the sun crawled through the crack in the curtains and Blaine blearily blinked his burning eyes open, he found that he was no longer locked into the safe, loving embrace of Kurt, but back in the sad reality of his own bed, the other side of his mattress cold but well slept in, a scrawled note resting on the rumpled pillow.

_Last night was fun. We should do it again sometime ;) – SS_

And next to the initials were the ten digits of his phone number.

Blaine cast the slip of paper aside, rolling over and growling at the pounding in his head.

Right now, he hated himself more than ever.


	22. the sorrows your heart holds

Blaine's feet found the floor and before he could even comprehend what was happening he was racing to the bathroom, spewing up the contents of his stomach into the (thankfully open) toilet bowl. As he retched and heaved, the sound reached his mother and her sleepy form appeared at the doorframe.

"Blaine," she said wearily, her eyes wide and fearful as she crossed the space, kneeling beside him. "What's going on, darling?"

Blaine answered with another wretch, leaning back over the basin.

Mrs Anderson sighed sadly, stroking his hair through it. When he was finally done, he slowly leant back on his knees, grabbing onto the counter for support as he stood, his knees trembling under him.

"Sorry," he muttered. Mrs Anderson silently filled up a cup of water, handing it to him. He rinsed his mouth out the best he could before re-filling the cup and drinking it down.

"I think we need to talk," Mrs Anderson said gently. "I'll make breakfast."

* * *

><p>Piling blueberry pancakes on his plate, Mrs Anderson sat opposite her son. As he cut out a generous fork full, piling food into his mouth enthusiastically, she took advantage of his occupation to truly look at him.<p>

Things hadn't been easy for Mrs Anderson over the years. When her son came out, all she wanted was for her beautiful, only son to have the best of everything. Initially, when he came out she blamed herself. She wondered if she had done something wrong.

It took her a while to see that there had never been anything wrong.

They had made a problem out of nothing.

And ultimately, it had led to her husband leaving.

Her biggest regret was not supporting her son from day one. Things had grown strained in the household and it had taken a while for Blaine to feel comfortable enough with them again to even confide in them about the bullying he had endured.

Things only got worse.

Anonymous phone calls, physical abuse to her son, verbal abuse against all of them and vandalism were only some of the hardships they endured in that first year.

And then he husband left, taking a large part of both of them with him. She told her friends he was a scoundrel that he didn't deserve either of them.

But she didn't believe that for a second.

Heartbroken, and scared for her son, she tried to move on, tried to support Blaine the best she could, working two jobs, always making sure he continued with his studies and his piano, although he gave up football, polo and fencing (he claimed it was for academic purposes, but she knew better now).

She hadn't seen it coming.

The calls into the principal's office, claiming Blaine had been _fighting _of all things.

It was ridiculous. Blaine couldn't hurt a fly, she had said.

But then she saw the bandages across his knuckles, heard him sneaking out on his motorbike when he thought she was sleeping.

She found him practicing boxing in the garage.

They had fought about it. She cried, he screamed and both of their voices gave out.

"_I stood up for you, Blaine!"_

"_Not when it fucking counted – not when I __**needed **__you."_

That Monday was the last time she was ever called into the principal's office.

"_We request that Blaine transfer schools. Immediately."_

The principal gave them the flyer for Dalton Reform Academy for Boys and Mrs Anderson made up her mind almost instantly. That night he was enrolled and he packed through the night, leaving for the school on his motorbike the next morning.

And like her husband, he hadn't said goodbye.

"These are really good, mom," Blaine said, swallowing a generous gulp of orange juice. Mrs Anderson gave him a small smile, taking a bite of her own serving.

He was starving, Mrs Anderson noticed. A quick sign that he had been drinking the night before.

She knew him well enough to know the signs.

This was a side of Blaine she hadn't seen in a while. It used to be a common occurrence to find Blaine retching in the bathroom, shoving down hot food when he was done and returning to bed for the rest of the day, sleeping it off before getting up at some late hour of the night and sneaking out on his bike.

She had seen it all.

She hadn't noticed the day it stopped. But for a while, it had, and she had never been more grateful. She knew the reason of course. The blue eyed reason who looked at Blaine like he was an angel and liked to say they were 'just good friends'. Blaine would counter that they were best friends, and Mrs Anderson would smile because they both had giant hearts in their eyes and still remained adorably oblivious.

"So you were drinking last night," Mrs Anderson ventured conversationally.

Blaine swallowed his mouthful slowly, contemplating how best to answer.

Mrs Anderson gave a weak laugh. "That wasn't a question, Blaine. I know you were."

"Okay," Blaine said finally, looking a little confused.

"I just want to know why," Mrs Anderson said lightly. "You haven't been out in a while."

"I felt like it," Blaine said, shrugging and Mrs Anderson felt a stab of nostalgia unable to ignore the comparison from present Blaine sitting in front of her to fifteen year old Blaine after his father left and all of this started, with all his walls and barriers up.

"Well I'm glad you had fun," Mrs Anderson quipped.

"Was that sarcasm?" Blaine asked, amused smile tugging at his lips. Mrs Anderson couldn't hide a smile of her own. Her son reminded her far too much of her husband sometimes.

He also knew her too well.

"Reverse psychology, actually," Mrs Anderson corrected. Blaine let out a short laugh. "Did it work?"

Blaine's mouth twitched and all of a sudden the illusion to her old son vanished. Fifteen year old Blaine would have batted off her comment in an instant.

"_Nope. But I have a paper to write. Could we talk at dinner?"_

But they never did.

And this time, for the first time, it looked like Blaine was actually going to cave. After all these years he was going to let his mother in.

She had been waiting.

"I was…" Blaine hesitated, "I got into a fight… with one of Kurt's friends."

Mrs Anderson felt disapproval turn in her stomach but she held off any reprimands. That would instantly send Blaine running and she had only just got him talking.

"It wasn't my fault," Blaine defended himself. "He provoked me."

"_It wasn't my fault, mom. He provoked me. He called me a-"_

"He insulted dad."

Mrs Anderson's heart caught in her throat.

"He called him 'good for nothing' and then said I would end up like him. So I pushed him up against a wall and threatened to kill him," Blaine said lowly, not quite meeting his mother's eyes. "And Kurt walked in and broke it up. And then he had his grad dinner and I skipped it."

Mrs Anderson sighed. "Oh, Blaine…" she frowned sadly.

"That's not the worst part," Blaine said quietly, his voice breaking a little. "I-I was so mad at myself that I wanted to drink… to forget. And I met a guy…"

Mrs Anderson winced, pulling her face in her hands. "Blaine, honey, please tell me you didn't…"

"Mom," Blaine sobbed and Mrs Anderson looked up with a start to see her son fall apart. His face crumbled and tears leaked out his beautiful eyes, so very like his father's that her heart broke.

"_I'm so tired, Carmelia."_

"I'm so tired, mom," Blaine wept, his chest heaving with desperate sobs. Mrs Anderson rose and walked around the table, pulling Blaine up and guiding him into the living room. She sat him down on the couch and kissed his forehead, crossing the room and opening the lid of the piano, ignoring Blaine's surprised gasp behind her. Nobody had touched that piano in a long time.

Her fingers tapped carefully across the keys. She played the tune from memory. She had played this song for Blaine many times before, when he was a little boy. It had been his favourite lullaby.

"If you're tired darling," she cooed, "you should go to sleep."

Blaine's eyes widened in surprise as he recognised the hauntingly beautiful little tune.

_There is a castle on a cloud_

_I like to go there in my sleep_

_Aren't any floors for me to sweep_

_Not in my castle on a cloud_

Slowly, Blaine's eyes fluttered shut. Mrs Anderson exhaled happily as his breathing evened out and he snored just ever so lightly. She giggled a little, closing the piano case and crossing the room, brushing the curls off her little boy's face.

"_Carmelia__," he muttered through his sleep, turning restlessly._

"Mom."

"It's okay, honey," Mrs Anderson replied, her voice wavering lightly. "It's all going to be okay."

* * *

><p>When Blaine woke up his head felt clearer and he felt lighter somehow. Like a weight had been lifted.<p>

It had felt good confiding in his mom like that. He found a note on the table from her telling him that she had gone out for work that night but would be home in the morning.

The last sentence broke his heart.

_Please, take care of yourself._

So much of him just wanted to grab his bike and hit Scandals again, drink down the memory of the past night. It would the easiest option; ignoring it.

But he knew that wasn't right and it wasn't fair to anybody. Not to his mom, not to Kurt – and not to him.

_"You can deny it all you want, Blaine Anderson," Kurt continued seriously, "but deep inside of you there is a boy, a boy who has been hurt and no matter how much you try to supress him with fighting and cigarettes and alcohol," Blaine's eyes shifted uncomfortably but Kurt reached for his hand, turning his gaze back on him, "he is going to keep hurting until you try and help him." He took a deep breath, giving Blaine a moment to digest this before continuing in a softer voice. "You can do better than this, Blaine… it's not too late."_

Those words, spoken so long ago, yet still so fresh in his memory, echoed at the forefront of his mind. Those had been those words he had been longing to hear his whole life.

_You can do better than this._

Kurt had believed in him then. It could be too late now.

But Blaine had to try.

* * *

><p>Pouring himself through his bedroom door, Kurt dumped his bags against the wall and slumped against his mattress with relief. Shopping always took it out of him…<p>

It had been the perfect distraction. He and Rachel had gone shopping for things to take to New York and Kurt was filled with nervous excitement at the prospect. For someone with such bad clothing choices she had considerable taste for home décor design, although with their sparing budgets, they were despairingly limited.

He hadn't thought about Blaine all day.

It had been easy to forget about everything under the spell of pastel colours and soft rugs, but now that he was alone all his thoughts came flooding back and his stomach turned with worry. The same questions ran through his mind. What had happened with Sam? Where had he gone last night? Why hadn't he called…?

Speak of the devil.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he retrieved it, his heart stuttering at the sight of Blaine's icon. Without a moment of hesitation he opened the new message, not sure what to think as he read its contents.

_We need to talk, _the message read, _meet me at the Lima Bean at 8?_

Kurt groaned, tossing his phone across his bed in annoyance. He really wasn't in the mood to be a grown up today, no matter how hard the world persisted.

But still, he pulled himself off the bed and opened his wardrobe, flicking through his shirts.

He needed to get ready.


	23. all i heard was nothing

_I've smelt, I've tasted, I've loved your darkness_

_But watching you fall apart is the hardest_

_I'll be there to pick you up when you break_

_I'll risk my happiness if that's what it takes_

* * *

><p>At eight o'clock there's not really anyone at the Lima Bean so Blaine was able to grab a nice, private table in the corner where he's sure they won't be overheard by any of the potentially nosy employees. He ordered himself his usual Medium Drip and a Non-Fat Mocha for Kurt because he knew that was his favourite.<p>

When Kurt finally arrived Blaine raised an arm to catch his attention. Kurt spotted him quickly and a small smile spread over his lips, making Blaine's heart melted just a little bit. He looked beautiful in a simple (well, simple for Kurt) pair of black jeans and matching vest over pale cream Henley. As much as Blaine loved his clothes, the ridiculous pieces that only _he _could make gorgeous, the skin tight pants, the knee high boots; this was the Kurt he liked best. Just him, and no big façade of extravagance. Just simple beauty.

"Hi," Kurt said lightly, taking the seat opposite him. Blaine attempted a weak smile.

"Hey," he returned, playing with the cardboard holder around his cup to control his shaking hands. "Thanks for meeting me."

Kurt just nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. Blaine took that as a gesture for him to start.

"I'm sorry… about last night. How I… I missed your grad dinner," he began quietly. Kurt swallowed and put his coffee down, nodding.

"Why, though?" Kurt asked and Blaine's chest sunk. He had hoping to avoid that…

"Because I was angry," Blaine said finally. "And I shouldn't be around people when I'm angry… it's not fair to you."

"No," Kurt contradicted sharply, "it wasn't fair of you to leave me alone there."

Blaine frowned. "Alone? You had your parents, your friends-"

Kurt shook his head. "It's not the same," he whispered. "None of them were you."

Blaine closed his eyes, unable to take the watery glasz of Kurt's sad stare any longer. His stomach clenched painfully as he anticipated his next words.

"Where were you last night, Blaine?"

Blaine didn't answer.

"Were you drinking?"

"Yes."

"Blaine!"

Blaine groaned at the sound of the last person he wanted to hear approaching. He gave Kurt an apologetic look.

"Sebastian," he greeted the boy civilly as he took a seat beside them. Kurt frowned back at him with confusion.

"So crazy," Sebastian laughed, "I'm sitting over there checking out this guy and all of a sudden I'm like, _wait a second… _I know that hair! Blaine, how're doing buddy?"

"Errr," Blaine cleared his throat, feeling his face heat up as Kurt looked at him expectantly. "Kurt, this is Sebastian – Sebastian, this is Kurt… my… my best friend."

"And Sebastian is?" Kurt challenged coldly. Sebastian opened his mouth to answer but Blaine cut across him.

"We met last night," Blaine elaborated. Kurt lifted his chin slightly, his stance defensive as he gave Sebastian a fake smile.

"Pleasure," he said shortly, his tone indicating the contrary. Sebastian smirked in reply.

"Any friend of Blaine's is a friend of mine," he drawled. Kurt wrinkled his nose slightly in disain and took a sip of his coffee.

Blaine shot him a weak smile over his coffee, taking deep drags of the still scalding liquid, wondering dimly if it would be possible to drown himself in it.

"So what I want to know," Sebastian went on with a grin, looking rather oblivious to the tension that had long since set over the table, "is when we're going drinking again."

Blaine nearly choked on his coffee. "Well-I-err-I-" he spluttered without thinking. Sebastian raised an eyebrow in amusement and to Blaine's immense surprise Kurt simply smiled coolly, answering for him.

"Tomorrow night sounds good," he said. "Unless you have other plans, Blaine?"

Blaine managed to swallow down the disgusting wash of coffee, saliva and incompetent words gathering in his throat, trying to ignore the uncomfortable heat that burned down his oesophagus. What the hell was Kurt thinking?

"Sure," he found himself saying. Kurt knew what he was doing. He could trust him.

Right?

"Excellent," Sebastian beamed, looking delighted. "I ask for one, I get two. I'll see you two," he gestured between them with a wink, "tomorrow night."

Blaine gave a short nod, hoping that as Sebastian walked out of the coffee shop, by some miracle, he'd walk out of their lives entirely and leave them alone, letting Blaine fix the broken mess that he had created.

* * *

><p>No such luck.<p>

The next night Blaine managed to pull together an outfit and Kurt picked him up at the door. His mom gave him a weary look when he told her he was going out but she seemed grateful that he had told her and even more relieved when she saw that Kurt was going with him.

If only she knew…

Kurt insisted on taking the car and the entire ride was tense. Blaine longed to say something, anything to fill the awful silence that had fallen between them. But he felt like Kurt had put up some invisible wall between him and his stance was distance and cold.

It broke Blaine's heart.

When they finally arrived at the bar, Kurt hopped out promptly, slamming the door behind him. Blaine sighed wistfully, clambering out to follow him, pulling out their fake ID's and handing one to Kurt.

Kurt sniffed and took it off him, still not meeting his eyes. Blaine felt another sad pang in his heart as Kurt quickened his pace, making Blaine hurry to keep up.

They showed their ID's to the doorman who barely gave them a second glance, gesturing for them to forward in. Blaine shuddered as he entered the familiar space, all the horrible memories from the night before last flooding back. He didn't miss the way Kurt wrinkled his nose in disgust as he took in the dingy space.

"Do you regret coming?" he couldn't help but ask. Kurt glared at him.

"Not a bit," he said shortly, heading over to the bar where Sebastian was waiting for them.

Blaine gulped as he watch the short exchange between Kurt and Sebastian, Sebastian handing Kurt a glass of something clear. He then passed a beer to Blaine and Blaine was quick to take a deep dreg. Sebastian said something of unimportance but Blaine didn't even care.

And once more, he would drink the night away. Drink the pain away.

Because it solved fucking nothing, but it made him feel better than not being able to do anything about it.

* * *

><p>Kurt felt the endless ache in his chest burn relentlessly throughout the night as he watched Blaine fall apart. He had smelt alcohol on him, he had tasted the cigarettes. He had seen him angry, he had seen him sad. But he had never seen him like this.<p>

His eyes were dark and cloudy, his head droopy as he swayed to a beat that wasn't the one echoing off the grimy walls of the old pub. Kurt sighed wistfully, clutching his drink tightly in his hands as he watched Sebastian with him, grinning as if nothing was wrong.

The familiar burn of someone's eyes on him seeped over him and he looked up on instinct, his breath catching at the sight of the unsettling familiar face.

"Karofsky," he breathed, his eyes widening in shock as he took in the boy that had once seemed to terrifying, but now…

But now he just looked sad.

He had thinned out a bit, not quite as sturdy as he had once been, although that could have been the illusion provided by not only a terrifying attitude, but the bulky Letterman jacket, too. A light jean wash cap hung over his eyes, rendering him almost unrecognisable. But greatest change was in his face, softened out into not sympathy but sorrow, his eyes wide and almost blank. Kurt never thought he'd feel anything close to remourse if he was faced with his tormentor once more and yet… he felt sorry for him.

Karofsky flinched a little. "Could you… can you call me Dave?"

Kurt nodded lightly. "Okay," he said slowly, "just… as long as you don't call me Hummel."

A light ghost of a smile flickered on Dave's lips but he managed to control it. "How have you been?" he asked at last.

"Fine," he managed, although that was further from the truth in recent days with all the Blaine drama… "I'm-I'm leaving for New York in two weeks." It was true. They had finally gotten rights to the apartment and they were heading up early to settle into the new city, hopefully get a part time job to help cover expenses.

"Kurt," Dave said suddenly and Kurt was shocked at the anguish in his voice. "I'm sorry."

Kurt felt his lips part involuntarily and if possible his eyes widened even further. Those were the last words he ever expected to hear from David Karofsky.

A slow smile spilled across his lips.

"Dave," he breathed incredulously, "I put you in a _coma." _

And after a moment Dave finally cracked a smile and they were both laughing over the ridiculous situation until they stopped, realising that there had been nothing really funny about it at all.

Kurt sighed, catching a glimpse of Blaine shooting him eyes across the room. His heart stuttered something crazy in his chest before he caught his emotions, telling himself that it was only because he was drunk…

He turned back to Dave and mustered up a brave smile.

"Why don't we just call it even?" he suggested, sticking out a hand.

Dave shook his head, that same disbelieving look still haunting the dark of his eyes.

"You're…" he whispered, "a better man than I was. I know why I did those things know, Kurt…" he swallowed.

"You're-?" Kurt raised an eyebrow in shock. He was finally ready to admit it? Dave gave a short nod.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Kurt slowly retracted his hand, taking another sip of his drink.

"Even, remember?" he quipped. A relieved smile fell over Dave's lips and Kurt smiled back, putting his drink down with a parting nod before turning on his heel.

If Dave could be brave, then so could he.

* * *

><p>The world was a blur of heavy bass and flurried movements around him, colour whirling around in his vision. As the song moved around him, he tried to flow with it but slowly felt himself being pulled under. He had no need to resist.<p>

But then there were hands around him, warm and steady and he blinked up at Kurt in surprise. He simply smiled back and began to dance. Something warm and happy sparked in his chest and he tried his hardest to keep up, moving with him, wanting to smile too and just live here in the simplistic world of Kurt.

* * *

><p>After his feet grew sore and a check on Blaine's watch informed him that it was past late, he decided it was time for them both to leave. Sebastian had long since gone so he pulled Blaine gently by the hand and he came with him surprisingly easy.<p>

Of course, with Blaine, nothing was ever _easy _and he practically had to carry him out. He couldn't even walk in a straight line.

He was already weighing up his options of where to take Blaine (he could take care of him at his place but there was his dad and Finn and they would ask questions but he didn't want Blaine's mom to be mad – or worried – and he didn't want to leave him alone…) when they reached the car.

"Hey," Blaine said suddenly.

"What?" Kurt answered, opening the door to help Blaine into the car. He turned around to reach for him but Blaine was right _there, _pushing up into his personal space, his voice low and husky; inviting in a way that made Kurt shiver.

"Kiss me."

Fuck.

"Oh, no," Kurt said, his voice more shaky than he would like it as he tried to push Blaine off. But Blaine was insistent; his hands running possessively up his sides, his lips desperately trying to take hold along the crook of his neck. "No, no, no."

But it felt… wrong. Because it was wrong.

"Come on," Kurt said, pulling him off, "you're riding in the back."

"Alright," Blaine nodded, looking like he was about to comply but as he sat down, he pulled Kurt in with him, or more specifically, _on top of him._

And once again his hands were everywhere, running up and over his back and sides and Kurt was pulling back as hard as he could, _aching _with the force of the resistance.

"Please, Kurt," Blaine moaned, nosing up his neck once more, "I want you so bad, please, I know you want me too-"

"No," Kurt said sharply, pulling away with a sudden yank, looking up with wide eyed surprise at his answer, Blaine finally stopped, looking helpless as Kurt pulled back completely, climbing out of the car, Blaine hot on his heels.

"I'm not doing this," Kurt sobbed, surprised at himself as hot tears ebbed against his eyelids. He took a deep breath, trying to calm the hysterics that bubbled in his chest. "Not tonight, Blaine, not tonight."

"Look into my eyes," Blaine said darkly, "and tell me you don't want this."

"Of course I want it!" Kurt shouted, throwing his hands up in frustration. "I've wanted this for _so long _and you," he sniffed, his voice quietening, "you either didn't notice or you just didn't care."

Blaine's mouth parted and words were on the tip of his tongue. Kurt waited expectantly for a moment but they never came and Blaine pushed past him angrily.

"Where are you going?" Kurt asked fearfully. _No, it wasn't safe; he couldn't leave… no matter what had happened._

"I can't be around you right now," Blaine practically growled, whirling around to face him, anger and hurt written all over his face. He huffed. "I would say goodbye, but I wouldn't want to make you angry."

"Blaine!" Kurt called after him. "Please… you can't walk home."

"I'll catch a cab if I have to," Blaine said. He gave Kurt one final, hard look before turning again. "Please… just let me go."


	24. sing me to sleep

_A/N: Second last chapter. For reals this time._

_Also, do I smell resolution...?_

* * *

><p>This time it was Kurt's turn to wake with a headache, and as he lifted his burning eyes from his ever comforting pillow it wasn't without a strain. His clock beside his bed informed him it was well after noon and irritation seeped in. He <em>hated <em>losing the day to sleep.

When he finally managed to pull himself from his bed, he trudged down the stairs, thankful for his family's absence as he set to work, pulling all the ingredients he needed from the pantry. He was an admitted stress baker and if anything could make him feel better right now it was cupcakes.

He switched on his radio, humming to himself as he worked, pulling the batter together with practiced precision. It was simple and easy; _exactly _what he needed right now.

_I don't have much money but boy if I did…_

He poured the batter into the little patty cakes, smiling serenely as he managed to get the portions perfect.

_I'd buy a big house where we both could live…_

He slid them into the oven and was just shutting the door when another voice joined in, making him jump up in fright.

_So excuse me forgetting but these things I do…_

It was Blaine.

_See I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue…_

Blaine was walking towards him, his eyes wide and sorry, regret tracing his every feature.

Kurt's heart came to a standstill.

_Anyway the thing is what I really mean…_

He reached across the counter and gripped Kurt's hands in his.

_Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen…_

"What are you doing here, Blaine?" Kurt whispered.

"You left your spare key under the mat," Blaine answered, "just like always."

Kurt shook his head. "You know that's not what I meant…"

Blaine took a deep breath. "I came to apologise…"

Kurt sniffed. "I guessed as much." Blaine's face folded into a frown.

"So…"

Kurt huffed. "How much longer are we going to keep doing this, Blaine?" he snapped. "How many more times are you going to fuck up and come crawling back for an apology only for me to forgive you and you fuck up again?"

Blaine looked like Kurt had slapped him.

"I'm sorry," he uttered after a moment. "I… I can't help it…" he shut his eyes, clenching with frustration. "I'm a destroyer, Kurt. I wreck everything good in my life. It's always been this way. I told you a long time ago I wasn't a good guy."

"And what did I tell you?" Kurt whispered.

"You can do better than this," Blaine recalled, Kurt's words sounding so foreign on his own lips.

"It's not too late," Kurt added, nodding resolutely. "I'm sorry, Blaine, I just…" he sighed, "I'm tired."

And suddenly, just like that, Blaine understood. A small smile of realisation crept onto his lips and he was reaching for Kurt's hands once more.

"And what did _I _tell you?"

Kurt furrowed his brow in concentration, thinking deep back…

_Then give me somebody to do better for._

Kurt surged across the counter, grabbing Blaine's jaw in his hands and breathed warm against his lips.

"Oh, thank god."

And then he kissed him.

The counter was digging painfully into his thigh and Blaine tasted like too strong mint toothpaste (Kurt had never been a mint person) and their teeth clacked together and it was too hard and desperate but fuck.

It was more than Kurt had dreamed.

Kurt couldn't resist winding his hand through Blaine's curls. He had done so many times before, even just as friends but _god _it meant so much more now. And Blaine's jaw was strong under his hands and he could feel his muscles working under his skin, feel his tongue pry against his lips and feel the hummingbirds stuttering frantically in his stomach.

He could feel _everything._

And he was probably putting too much of himself into it and he could feel himself falling apart in Blaine's arms, but for once, he thought he just might catch him.

"Please," Kurt whimpered suddenly, "please tell me."

"Tell you what," Blaine murmured, kissing across his cheek and down his jaw, mouthing eagerly across his skin. Kurt shuddered beneath him.

"Tell me this is real."

Blaine stopped for a moment, looking up to meet Kurt's eyes. Kurt was shocked at the genuine emotion sparkling in the gold gaze that met his and Blaine's hand trailed down the path his mouth had just followed agonisingly gentle.

"I'm in love with you, Kurt Hummel. I wrote it and I've said it but I've never meant it so much as I do now."

The earnesty in his tone rocked him to the core and as much as the barriers guarding his heart just wanted to push him away and run out and go cry and forget about everything… he believed him.

"I love you," Kurt whispered. Blaine's expression collapsed and relief flooded him.

And that night, for the second time, Kurt and Blaine made love.

Kurt laid him gently against his sheets, pressing kisses along the beautiful bare body before him. Blaine shivered beneath his attentive touch, mewling as he sucked a bruise into his hipbone. He soothed it over with his tongue before venturing lower, his tongue circling around his perineum.

"Fuck!" Blaine wailed as Kurt pressed in, ducking his tongue teasingly into the hole. Blaine clutched desperately at the sheets below him, grasping frantically for something to hold onto, the ground him.

To remind him that this was real and that he wasn't going to float away at any second.

"It's okay," Kurt murmured, petting his thigh soothingly, "I've got you."

Blaine let out a shocked cry as Kurt's fingers replaced his tongue, twisting two fingers in him, stretching him out.

"Shhhh, baby," Kurt whispered, kissing his neck soothingly. Blaine's insides melted pleasantly at the pet name and he relaxed under Kurt's touch. His free hand was silky smooth against his back, tracing up and down his spine in long even strokes.

After a third finger was added, twisted high in him, reaching the cluster of nerves that made him keen loud and long, Kurt finally pulled out, kissing his lips chastely.

"I think you're ready."

Blaine nodded frantically. "Please," he urged. He needed him _now._

Kurt went at an agonisingly slow pace and Blaine bit his lip, trying to let go of the pain and just _feel. _Kurt was so big inside of him and he felt so full and as ridiculous as it sounded, wanted. He felt needed, as Kurt moaned into his shoulder, messy sentences beginning in _Blaine _and ending with _tight; _various obscenities wrapped in the middle.

Finally he was fully sheathed and Blaine released the grip on his lip, letting out a long groan. He felt…

Incredible.

"Blaine," Kurt whispered and Blaine recognised the need in his tone. He met his eyes softly and reached for his hand, threading their fingers together.

"You can move," he said. Kurt let out a sigh of relief.

"Kiss me," he commanded. Blaine smiled, meeting his lips halfway and kissing him deeply, the softness of his lips like sweet magic as they moved with him. Kurt licked into his mouth as he began to roll his hips and Blaine moaned as he was bombarded with the new sensations. Although they weren't entirely _new…_

With Kurt it was always different.

Always…

More.

It had been a long time since their first, but their bodies remembered each other. They knew how to move in perfect sync, how to please each other. Their bodies were a tangled mess or sweating, writhing limbs, but it was a beautiful mess and Blaine lost himself in the heat of it all, not knowing anything but Kurt.

Kurt pulling his hair.

Kurt touching his skin.

Kurt loving him.

Kurt crying his name and coming hard inside of him.

And then Blaine came to and they against the messy sheets together. Blaine couldn't stop smiling, even as they worked to catch their breath.

They cleaned up quickly, Kurt quickly diving under the covers and Blaine giggling (yes, giggling) and nearly tripping over in his haste to join him. Kurt pulled him into his arms and Blaine sighed contentedly as he gently kissed his hair.

This was where he was supposed to be.


End file.
